vie doesn't particularly care for it, the expensive decor and the lavish tastes of the people filling the room. at least it isn't an overly intimate setting, nodding at some of the other people who recognize him as an amber simply from the style of his jacket and the jewelry he wears. at his side, jaejin walks close by; they'd discussed most of the details when getting ready for the party, but now that they're inside, vie really has no interest in following them. he pauses at the refreshments table, engaging in small talk until he has a break for privacy to turn to his date.
he's always handsome, but the finery he's clothed in and the polish of his hair, even the makeup, highlights his beauty far more than he could have ever imagined it. vie offers him a smile, plucking a cup from the table and pressing in close to give it to him. it's not that he expects jaejin to act like any of these people here; the illusion of it is simply far more exciting. ]
Try not to look as if you don't belong. They can sense that. [ his fingertips gently caress the curve of jaejin's cheek. ] Enjoy yourself.
[ when they arrive at the party, jaejin realizes very quickly that he's underestimated what it might really be like. vie had done his best to go over the finer details, but the reality of it is edging overwhelming. his boss had made a handful of minor appearances at much smaller parties, but he'd never gone with him, always put aside to work in a quieter, unnoticeable manner. it worked in his favor if only because he isn't one to enjoy drawing focus.
this is much more than that.
his attention keeps sliding to vie, to take him in as he's fully in what element he's spent years crafting for himself. however expensive he thought he looked before is null and void now and he's stunning, in all honesty. no doubt he's the most beautiful person here.
he's taken out of his thoughts when vie turns to him, taking the offered cup. the smile he gives him in return is much more sheepish and he ducks his head to keep himself from leaning into vie's touch, his heart hiccupping in his chest. ]
You make them sound like animals. [ a quiet enough tease, but he flicks his gaze to the rest of the guests, pressing his lips together and tapping one finger against the side of the cup. ] How often do you go to parties like this? I'm not sure how you manage it.
[ truthfully, he's teasing. nothing about this is romantic in the sense he thinks of romance. ]
we would be learning together as we go. mostly, you just stay with me regardless of where we are. and you would live here. at least close by in case something happens.
[ it really isn't romantic, but jaejin doesn't expect it to be. he has to take a moment, cast a quick glance around his bedroom to let it sink it. he thinks, briefly, that it would have been better if he hadn't moved, if he'd waited. ]
it would be best if i lived there, wouldn't it? then let's do it. it will be better in the long run, regardless. we can learn together.
[ jaejin has spent a good two hours getting drunk on the floor of his apartment, movies and dramas chattering away on his television, curtains drawn. he's been raking his brain for ways to either do what sunni told him to or sidestep it completely. it doesn't take alcohol for him to know sunni is right about a lot of things, mostly that he doesn't deserve vie and they're likely working with borrowed time. something in him always shuts down when sunni gets involved.
but he doesn't want to break up with vie, doesn't want to lose him. he knows it's pathetic, being curled up on his floor of all places, letting it eat away at him bit by bit. it's been three days since sunni told him he had a week.
so he does the only thing he can think of and calls vie instead of texting him like he would usually. and, when he picks up there's no greeting or anything, just a quiet and rough: ]
[ vie, on the other hand, is returning to his own apartment with a sense of dread hanging over him. he'd just come from a meeting with several other families in the city, members who have hinted that they might be interested in an alliance with him rather than those currently running the amber house, but it hadn't quite gone the way he'd liked it to. if he wants to do this, he's going to have to strong-arm some of them or kill them, and honestly, he doesn't want to think about too much of that right now. he rubs at the back of his neck and slowly begins to undo his tie, glancing at his phone when it buzzes on the stand he'd placed it on.
the relief and happiness he feels reading jaejin's name is immeasurable. at least, it is until he answers and hears that question. then, he's standing still in the middle of the foyer and frowning at nothing. ]
We could go anywhere you'd like. You know that. [ a softer pause, and he sighs. ] What brought this on? We haven't discussed running away in quite some time.
[ he gets the phone call halfway back to his condo, the number unknown and the voice equally strange. if anything, it's a threat. vague, really, but a threat nonetheless, targeted specifically at jaejin rather than him. why? vie can't pinpoint it exactly because he doesn't have the knowledge, can't remember much of their time together besides the numerous amounts of messages and receipts for calls they'd exchanged—including several when he'd been overseas. so, the worry is immediately there when it ends abruptly with a not-so-casual or else.
vie doesn't take kindly to it, instructing his driver to turn around and take him to jaejin's apartment. there's no time to call him, not when they're only a handful of minutes away, and as soon as he steps outside, something feels off to him. that sensation grows the closer he gets to jaejin's place, uneasy when he rounds the corridor and finds the door already ajar. it's fear and something else, something unknown, that has him pushing it open slightly and stepping inside with his fingers curled so tightly into a fist that it almost hurts.
maybe he should have called him after all. ]
Jaejin? [ he calls his name out loud enough to be heard, trying not to hold his breath. ] Are you home?
[ jaejin's apartment is a disaster. it's obvious the moment he opens the door when he gets home, trying to unwind from a night of the unpleasantness of having to deal with some of the more less than savory contacts he still has from his time with his old boss. upon further investigation, it's mostly that things have been rummaged through, rather than broken. the couch cushions are thrown around the room along with basically everything else, but more pulled apart as if someone was looking for something. he doesn't think to close the door before making his way deeper into the dark of his apartment, following the mess to his room.
which is, apparently, where they found what they were looking for. his heart is loud in his ears as he looks over his room, taking silent stock of every piece of vie's belongings shredded and scattered all over it. when his eyes land on his bed and the sweater that isn't even salvageable, he finally flips on the light, trying to ignore the breath that pushes itself from his lungs, almost damp.
and then vie's voice carries over from the front, his name different than he's ever heard him say it before, and he tries to collect himself as quickly as possible, failing as his breath comes quicker and he has to pace himself. ]
I'm here. [ he knows his voice cracks on the second word as well as he knows his eyes burn, wet. wiping at them quickly, he turns the light in his room off, unsure if he's trying to hide it from vie or if he needs to be able to fool himself in order not to have a full meltdown over this. ] I'm okay.
he knew it before he was crouched near the mouth of the alleyway outside of the club, but it's more apparent every time he tries to take a deep breath. there's a familiar pain in his ribs, but really, his entire body hurts. the only satisfaction he can glean from the entire thing is the fact he has some sort of lead finally, that he knows it was someone related to his old boss that took vie's memories.
maybe it's appropriate that this feels like how things used to be, if only for a moment. he grips at the wall to steady himself when he tugs out his phone so he can unlock it and message the only person he wants to talk to or see right now. with it he sends the address of the club, trying to make himself as small as possible by tucking against the wall just in case. ]
he rarely did much of it before, and now, with so many complications, it's almost impossible to quiet his mind long enough to rest properly. still, it's a few minutes before he even sees the texts, having spent some time out on the balcony and watching the skyline. he's needed time to think, to plan what he wants to do and how he's going to approach the rest of this before he finally settles into a temporary life with jaejin. those arrangements are almost complete, anyway. just a few more days.
but it all washes away the moment he reads those messages though, not bothering to dress as impeccably as he might have with only jeans and a hoodie thrown on in haste. he doesn't even have time to wait for a driver, heading across the street to a garage specifically for use by the amber house and choosing something nondescript. it's still expensive, naturally, and vie has to remember to take his time or he'll cause an accident—more from rushing than not having driven himself anywhere in a while. ]
i'll be there as soon as i can. is everything okay?
[ not that he has time to wait for a response since he's heading to his location almost immediately after sending it. ]
[ it's been a long time since jaejin has been worried over his skills, plagued with thoughts of whether or not he can do what he needs to in order to help vie. it hadn't been as difficult as he thought he might be, identifying the certain feeling that accompanied vie's memories of him β they felt warm, mothwing delicate. they felt like coming home, which is a feeling he knows so well because he think no matter what happens, vie will always be his home.
only after a few hours spent by vie's side as he sleeps, jaejin's taken up residence on their couch, giving vie some space in case he needs to reacclimate once he wakes. he's never done something like this before, has always taken memories instead of haphazardly hiding them or trying to. he's left a glass of water on the nightstand near him, even some asprin to go with it if he needs it.
so now it's just a waiting game. he spends his time on the couch fidgeting and looking at things but never really seeing them, just trying to keep his mind distracted instead of falling prey to overthinking. if nothing else, he knows he didn't do any damage and kept to himself as much as he could. the worst thing that could happen is vie wakes up and still has no access to any of those memories.
at least they'll still be able to be together, even if that happens. ]
[ the room feels upside-down when he finally wakes up.
at first, vie doesn't recognize where he is, and the fear that rises up in the back of his throat is almost too much to swallow. but then, absurdly slow, everything starts to pour back in the way it should—the touch of jaejin's hands, the odd disconnect having him inside his head before everything darkened. and worse, the memories of their time together when he hadn't loved him the way vie is certain he loves him now. it's overwhelming and thick, and he has to roll over to press his face into the pillow beneath his head, take a deep breath. if he dwells on it too much, he's going to lose his composure.
and after a few moments, he finds his footing and navigates through the hallway, letting his fingers glide along the wall to ground him. everything's still a bit fuzzy, but jaejin draws him like a beacon, hand running over the back of the couch and using the arm of it as support when he gets to his knees in front of him. it's almost like that day in the park, he thinks, and the piercing thought of it is so vivid that vie nearly loses his breath. but he doesn't allow himself the buffer, immediately pressing his forehead into jaejin's knees. ]
I'm sorry. [ his throat is dry, his voice strained. ] I'm so sorry, Jaejin.
[ it's nearing midnight when he shoulders his way into jaejin's apartment.
he should have called. he should have texted.Β
he should have —
the roar between his ears settles into a dull ache the moment he slips his shoes off and ignores the throb of discomfort across his shoulders. it's like he's finally come back to himself, to the place he inhabits, and there are touches of jaejin everywhere that try to pull him forward. he can smell the flowers on the nearby table and wonders if they would have died if they'd left. if. he can't breathe again, and in a blink, the anxiety crawls into his throat and lives there. then, it's gone again, and he's smoothing his fingers through his hair as he tries to piece together what he wants to say, how he should phrase it.Β
the truth, at least. it's what jaejin deserves, but it sits so utterly heavy all around him that he almost wants to walk right back out. perhaps sleep would help this situation; he knows, though, that he wouldn't be able to get through another night like this. so, he sighs and casts a glance down at their packed things sitting by the door. jaejin will be waiting for him, and he's afraid, swallowing around whatever's left of his heart sitting in his throat as he finally steps into the openness of the small apartment. he's there, as vie knew he would be. but he doesn't smile at him, unable to really look at him even as he moves to sit next to him. his fingers curl into a fist against his thigh. ]Β
I'm sorry it's so late. [ and that he didn't contact him. for everything, he wants to say, but he bites down on his tongue. ] I made a mistake.
that in itself is worrying, but jaejin still busies himself with getting everything in its place for when they leave, trying to make sure certain things are taken care of. he still leaves some remnants of himself around the apartment, but it's all carefully placed and isn't a mess in the slightest. it only takes him a couple of hours to do it, setting their belongings by the door in an order that would make the most sense for the least trips.
when he finally settles down to wait for vie, it's on the couch and tucked against the far side of it, phone in hand. he almost jumps up when he hears the door open and then close, but doesn't once he catches sight of vie, watching his body language as he makes his way to him. he wants to reach out, but vie isn't looking at him and something chilly edges under his skin instead. ]
It's okay. It doesn't matter if it's late. [ careful, tone more of a tiptoe. ] What happened? Are you okay?
[ with all of their things unpacked and littered around his apartment, jaejin hasn't been spending much time at home unless he's expecting vie. he's been reconnecting with old contacts in an attempt to get any information he can on sunni's father (chul, he's learned) and the amber house. it's been a series of give and take transactions β information for the promise of a future job, free of charge. he can deal with their offhanded comments about how he's just looking for someone else to leech off of, for someone else to spread his legs for. it doesn't matter, not in the long run.
since the argument he had with vie the other night, not a lot does except figuring out just how to protect him.
the contacts he has a better relationship with give him more tangible information, papers and bits of contracts he shouldn't have. it's the pictures that help, though. he knows he's never seen chul in person, doesn't have any idea what kind of deal he might want with vie, not outside of what sunni said. at the end of the day, he's trying not to let himself tip into thinking the very worst. but it turns out helpful information pertaining to the amber house and its members is hard to get a hand on.
it's later at night when he's at home, waiting for vie. the papers on the coffee table are the few he's bought off another contact and none of them are helpful in the slightest. he knows vie should be back soon, keeps his phone face up on the table in his line of vision just in case. there's no balance between them now, precarious or not. he knows they may as well be in pieces, that something between them snapped that other night. it doesn't matter, though.
if he keeps telling himself that, he thinks he might start to believe it. ]
[ the driver drops him off at the corner near jaejin's house, and vie almost wants to cry at how far a walk it seems. realistically, it isn't. he could make it in a minute and be inside without anyone questioning him, but the pressure across his back and thighs with each step is a reminder of exactly what he's chosen and why. so, he limps slowly and finds himself holding his breath as he finally, finally lets himself inside behind a door that contains the only person he wants to see.
it's not as simple as that, though. what he does see tells him that jaejin is in the middle of something, papers he briefly thinks to ask about before ignoring it in favor of focusing on getting his shoes off – and then his jacket – with as little noise and grimacing as possible. it's a decent attempt despite the heat rising into his face, and though vie offers jaejin a smile, it's tight and weary and a complete reflection of how he feels on the inside. because he misses him. he misses the sweetness in their texts and calls, the longing that had been there each and every time they finally got to see one another.
now, they see each other relatively frequently, but vie is in too much discomfort to really do much about it. ]
I'm sorry I'm a little late. [ since he'd said he would be back in a few hours. ] I'm going to shower first.
[ so he doesn't feel as disgusting as he does when they finally have a moment together. ]
[ the drive back to jaejin's apartment is quiet. unnervingly so.
vie tries to think of something to say, but each time he swallows, it's a reminder that chul's hands had been around his throat and squeezing with the intention of really hurting him. he'd rather avoid any thoughts about that right now, though all he can think about is chul trying to scramble for jaejin once the damage had been done, and the blood having soaked into his own shirt is reminder enough of what had actually happened. vie had to think quickly on his feet then; chul's guards wouldn't return for the rest of the night, at the very least, and the one watching the door hadn't batted an eye at their current state as they'd slowly filed out to the car waiting for them.
his driver, as always, doesn't ask, and he curls his fingers tightly in his lap to keep himself from reaching out to take hold of jaejin's hand. he needs some kind of solidity right now, but it will have to wait. they need to pack their things and leave the city. he needs to call sunni, though all he will do, at most, is send him a text before turning his phone off completely. time away sounds too good to be true, and yet, that's all vie's thoughts circle around as they get out of the car and reach jaejin's place. his keys shake just a little as he unlocks the door, and once they're closed off from the world, vie's focus narrows. ]
Pack what you think you will need for a few days. We can come back for the rest later.
[ just essentials, he thinks, and he's holding his breath the entire time, making a beeline for the bedroom even as he begins to unbutton his shirt so he can change. ]
[ it hadn't gone as smoothly as they'd hoped and the reminder of that hangs over the both of them. perhaps jaejin had put too much faith in the idea that once the deed was done, some sort of weight would be lifted from the both of them. instead, the car ride is silent and every time he even lets his gaze wander to vie, the state of him is a reminder of it. so, the quiet drags and his attention eventually settles on watching the passing scenery.
what should matter, anyway, is that vie is free now. he's free to make what choices he wants to make instead of the ones he feels he needs to. jaejin isn't sure if he still feels as though he owes people and if that will color his decisions, but this is better than the position he'd been in before. that has to count for something.
once inside of his apartment, partway on autopilot, he watches vie leave for the bedroom and stands there for a moment, looking towards the living room, but not really focusing on anything. if he lets himself think about it, he'll pay too much mind to the fact he's never specifically set out to kill someone and followed through with it. somewhere, in whatever hell he's found himself, he knows his boss is laughing.
instead of following vie to the bedroom, he removes his shirt in the living room, slipping on a hoodie he draped over the back of the couch days ago. before he even thinks of going to the bedroom, he stops by the bathroom to wash the blood off his hands, flexing one of them against the shallow cut on his palm. at the very least, he still does as instructed, taking their toiletries with him to the bedroom and pulling a small suitcase from his closet. he doesn't really know what to say, so he doesn't pad the silence. ]
[ it's been a few days since jaejin's birthday, something they celebrated on a more mellow scale than originally planned. maybe, in a way, that was a good thing considering. with both of them still recovering, vie physically and jaejin trying to work through things internally, celebrating more than that might have been a poor idea. still, he'd wanted it to be a good thing, to make sure vie knew he appreciated the efforts made, and the card had meant more than anything else.
and that card has been the focus of most of jaejin's thoughts.
he wants to hold onto the memory of how easy it was to feel lighter around vie, of how easy it was for them to love each other and show it. things feel so heavy now, even the smallest of touches feel like they cost or risk something. jaejin has had some time to think about the night he killed sunni's father, about how everything after may as well have been just a blur of something he can't even name. it still doesn't feel good, but then, he supposes maybe murder shouldn't. even if it was a solution to the problem. even if vie is free now.
as he's done since they arrived, jaejin leaves the place they're stayed in the middle of the sun rising to fetch fresh cut flowers and breakfast for vie, breathing in the sharpness of the morning air. instead of setting the table when he comes back this time, he's careful to set up vie's breakfast on the wooden cutting board in the kitchenette so he can bring it to him in bed. sitting on the side he was sleeping on before, he's careful to set it on the nightstand before he reaches over to gently touch vie's shoulder. ]
I brought you breakfast, if you're feeling up to it.
[ quiet, just in case he isn't. if vie wants to sleep more, he can put it in the small refrigerator for later instead. ]
[ vie wants things to be better. he needs them to be, having only spared enough attention to his phone when he'd turned it back on to know that sunni is in some sort of state over his father's death—good or bad, he doesn't know. there's no love lost, he's sure, but it's annoying to keep constant communication with him. so, after jaejin's birthday, he'd gone radio silent once more, wishing to focus, instead, on the person filling up this quaint little villa with him. this is why he's desperate to have some sort of normalcy again, ignoring the healing pains of his throat to give jaejin both space and attention.
he's barely awake when he hears him leave, and he has his face smothered into a pillow when he feels that warm presence return. ]
Breakfast? [ it's a lazy mumble, turning onto his side so he's curled towards jaejin. ] Are you going to share it with me?
[ forcing his eyes open, he settles a gentle look at jaejin as his hand seeks out the one on his shoulder. for a while, he'd like to forget the outside world and what they have to return to. for a while, he wishes he could see jaejin smile at him again and not be so tentative, to reach out towards him and hold on with every bit of life he knows is there. for a while feels much too long now, and he sighs, giving jaejin's fingers a squeezing tug in an attempt to wordlessly coax him back into bed. ]
[ his walk around the block hadn't exactly ended the way he'd wanted it to.
halfway to the park, he'd decided to call sunni and discuss their options, so to speak, and vie had ended it shortly after informing him that he didn't want to make too many decisions without informing jaejin first. of course he wouldn't do that, not when he's still trying to navigate how to do that in the first place. it leaves him with a lot more to think about than he'd actually like, and when he notices the time, he realizes he's been gone for almost an hour, wandering aimlessly around the small city center before turning to navigate his way back to the villa he's sharing with jaejin.
on the way, he's too caught in his own thoughts to really consider a different explanation as to why he'd taken so long on a walk that should have only lasted ten minutes, but vie is certain to buy some flowers from the shop close by to buffer any future conversations. he hardly remembers the name of them, though they're pretty and white and are supposed to represent something. commitment? he hadn't been paying attention, checking his phone far too often and only polite enough to slip away with them. now, at the door, he frowns to himself and tries to shake it off before entering, leaving his shoes in the entryway and searching the rooms for jaejin without bothering to remove his jacket. his smile, as always, is soft when he sees him. ]
I brought you something.
[ which is punctuated with the small bouquet like a shield, hoping to ease some of the tension that still lingers between them before creating even more. ]
[ jaejin isn't expecting much to come from this, but he's sure vie's conversation with sunni will go much better than any he would attempt. there's no telling when vie plans to do it, but jaejin still nods when he leaves for his walk around the block, tells him to be safe. it isn't uncommon for them to do things on their own and he knows it might help clear vie's head. the villa still feels empty without him, quiet in ways that he doesn't particularly enjoy.
so, he waits.
it's nearing an hour of jaejin fussing around the villa, cleaning anything that appears even mildly out of place. by the time vie returns, he's just finished replacing the sheets on the bed they've been sharing, looking up from it when he sees vie from across the room. his smile is always something of a reassurance, especially when it isn't pained. ]
Flowers? That's very sweet of you. [ even if he has been gone a while. jaejin doesn't really think it's his place to ask why, but he still crosses the room to him, offering a small smile in return. he'll even take the flowers, bringing them to his nose to smell them. ] They're beautiful. Thank you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
for unmake.
vie doesn't particularly care for it, the expensive decor and the lavish tastes of the people filling the room. at least it isn't an overly intimate setting, nodding at some of the other people who recognize him as an amber simply from the style of his jacket and the jewelry he wears. at his side, jaejin walks close by; they'd discussed most of the details when getting ready for the party, but now that they're inside, vie really has no interest in following them. he pauses at the refreshments table, engaging in small talk until he has a break for privacy to turn to his date.
he's always handsome, but the finery he's clothed in and the polish of his hair, even the makeup, highlights his beauty far more than he could have ever imagined it. vie offers him a smile, plucking a cup from the table and pressing in close to give it to him. it's not that he expects jaejin to act like any of these people here; the illusion of it is simply far more exciting. ]
Try not to look as if you don't belong. They can sense that. [ his fingertips gently caress the curve of jaejin's cheek. ] Enjoy yourself.
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this is much more than that.
his attention keeps sliding to vie, to take him in as he's fully in what element he's spent years crafting for himself. however expensive he thought he looked before is null and void now and he's stunning, in all honesty. no doubt he's the most beautiful person here.
he's taken out of his thoughts when vie turns to him, taking the offered cup. the smile he gives him in return is much more sheepish and he ducks his head to keep himself from leaning into vie's touch, his heart hiccupping in his chest. ]
You make them sound like animals. [ a quiet enough tease, but he flicks his gaze to the rest of the guests, pressing his lips together and tapping one finger against the side of the cup. ] How often do you go to parties like this? I'm not sure how you manage it.
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unmake. ( tfln )
you make it sound so romantic.
[ truthfully, he's teasing. nothing about this is romantic in the sense he thinks of romance. ]
we would be learning together as we go.
mostly, you just stay with me regardless of where we are.
and you would live here. at least close by in case something happens.
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it would be best if i lived there, wouldn't it?
then let's do it. it will be better in the long run, regardless.
we can learn together.
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but he doesn't want to break up with vie, doesn't want to lose him. he knows it's pathetic, being curled up on his floor of all places, letting it eat away at him bit by bit. it's been three days since sunni told him he had a week.
so he does the only thing he can think of and calls vie instead of texting him like he would usually. and, when he picks up there's no greeting or anything, just a quiet and rough: ]
If we ran away, where would we go?
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the relief and happiness he feels reading jaejin's name is immeasurable. at least, it is until he answers and hears that question. then, he's standing still in the middle of the foyer and frowning at nothing. ]
We could go anywhere you'd like. You know that. [ a softer pause, and he sighs. ] What brought this on? We haven't discussed running away in quite some time.
[ not since he'd proposed to him, he thinks. ]
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vie doesn't take kindly to it, instructing his driver to turn around and take him to jaejin's apartment. there's no time to call him, not when they're only a handful of minutes away, and as soon as he steps outside, something feels off to him. that sensation grows the closer he gets to jaejin's place, uneasy when he rounds the corridor and finds the door already ajar. it's fear and something else, something unknown, that has him pushing it open slightly and stepping inside with his fingers curled so tightly into a fist that it almost hurts.
maybe he should have called him after all. ]
Jaejin? [ he calls his name out loud enough to be heard, trying not to hold his breath. ] Are you home?
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which is, apparently, where they found what they were looking for. his heart is loud in his ears as he looks over his room, taking silent stock of every piece of vie's belongings shredded and scattered all over it. when his eyes land on his bed and the sweater that isn't even salvageable, he finally flips on the light, trying to ignore the breath that pushes itself from his lungs, almost damp.
and then vie's voice carries over from the front, his name different than he's ever heard him say it before, and he tries to collect himself as quickly as possible, failing as his breath comes quicker and he has to pace himself. ]
I'm here. [ he knows his voice cracks on the second word as well as he knows his eyes burn, wet. wiping at them quickly, he turns the light in his room off, unsure if he's trying to hide it from vie or if he needs to be able to fool himself in order not to have a full meltdown over this. ] I'm okay.
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he knew it before he was crouched near the mouth of the alleyway outside of the club, but it's more apparent every time he tries to take a deep breath. there's a familiar pain in his ribs, but really, his entire body hurts. the only satisfaction he can glean from the entire thing is the fact he has some sort of lead finally, that he knows it was someone related to his old boss that took vie's memories.
maybe it's appropriate that this feels like how things used to be, if only for a moment. he grips at the wall to steady himself when he tugs out his phone so he can unlock it and message the only person he wants to talk to or see right now. with it he sends the address of the club, trying to make himself as small as possible by tucking against the wall just in case. ]
are you awake?
can you come pick me up?
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he rarely did much of it before, and now, with so many complications, it's almost impossible to quiet his mind long enough to rest properly. still, it's a few minutes before he even sees the texts, having spent some time out on the balcony and watching the skyline. he's needed time to think, to plan what he wants to do and how he's going to approach the rest of this before he finally settles into a temporary life with jaejin. those arrangements are almost complete, anyway. just a few more days.
but it all washes away the moment he reads those messages though, not bothering to dress as impeccably as he might have with only jeans and a hoodie thrown on in haste. he doesn't even have time to wait for a driver, heading across the street to a garage specifically for use by the amber house and choosing something nondescript. it's still expensive, naturally, and vie has to remember to take his time or he'll cause an accident—more from rushing than not having driven himself anywhere in a while. ]
i'll be there as soon as i can.
is everything okay?
[ not that he has time to wait for a response since he's heading to his location almost immediately after sending it. ]
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only after a few hours spent by vie's side as he sleeps, jaejin's taken up residence on their couch, giving vie some space in case he needs to reacclimate once he wakes. he's never done something like this before, has always taken memories instead of haphazardly hiding them or trying to. he's left a glass of water on the nightstand near him, even some asprin to go with it if he needs it.
so now it's just a waiting game. he spends his time on the couch fidgeting and looking at things but never really seeing them, just trying to keep his mind distracted instead of falling prey to overthinking. if nothing else, he knows he didn't do any damage and kept to himself as much as he could. the worst thing that could happen is vie wakes up and still has no access to any of those memories.
at least they'll still be able to be together, even if that happens. ]
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at first, vie doesn't recognize where he is, and the fear that rises up in the back of his throat is almost too much to swallow. but then, absurdly slow, everything starts to pour back in the way it should—the touch of jaejin's hands, the odd disconnect having him inside his head before everything darkened. and worse, the memories of their time together when he hadn't loved him the way vie is certain he loves him now. it's overwhelming and thick, and he has to roll over to press his face into the pillow beneath his head, take a deep breath. if he dwells on it too much, he's going to lose his composure.
and after a few moments, he finds his footing and navigates through the hallway, letting his fingers glide along the wall to ground him. everything's still a bit fuzzy, but jaejin draws him like a beacon, hand running over the back of the couch and using the arm of it as support when he gets to his knees in front of him. it's almost like that day in the park, he thinks, and the piercing thought of it is so vivid that vie nearly loses his breath. but he doesn't allow himself the buffer, immediately pressing his forehead into jaejin's knees. ]
I'm sorry. [ his throat is dry, his voice strained. ] I'm so sorry, Jaejin.
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he should have called. he should have texted.Β
he should have —
the roar between his ears settles into a dull ache the moment he slips his shoes off and ignores the throb of discomfort across his shoulders. it's like he's finally come back to himself, to the place he inhabits, and there are touches of jaejin everywhere that try to pull him forward. he can smell the flowers on the nearby table and wonders if they would have died if they'd left. if. he can't breathe again, and in a blink, the anxiety crawls into his throat and lives there. then, it's gone again, and he's smoothing his fingers through his hair as he tries to piece together what he wants to say, how he should phrase it.Β
the truth, at least. it's what jaejin deserves, but it sits so utterly heavy all around him that he almost wants to walk right back out. perhaps sleep would help this situation; he knows, though, that he wouldn't be able to get through another night like this. so, he sighs and casts a glance down at their packed things sitting by the door. jaejin will be waiting for him, and he's afraid, swallowing around whatever's left of his heart sitting in his throat as he finally steps into the openness of the small apartment. he's there, as vie knew he would be. but he doesn't smile at him, unable to really look at him even as he moves to sit next to him. his fingers curl into a fist against his thigh. ]Β
I'm sorry it's so late. [ and that he didn't contact him. for everything, he wants to say, but he bites down on his tongue. ] I made a mistake.
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that in itself is worrying, but jaejin still busies himself with getting everything in its place for when they leave, trying to make sure certain things are taken care of. he still leaves some remnants of himself around the apartment, but it's all carefully placed and isn't a mess in the slightest. it only takes him a couple of hours to do it, setting their belongings by the door in an order that would make the most sense for the least trips.
when he finally settles down to wait for vie, it's on the couch and tucked against the far side of it, phone in hand. he almost jumps up when he hears the door open and then close, but doesn't once he catches sight of vie, watching his body language as he makes his way to him. he wants to reach out, but vie isn't looking at him and something chilly edges under his skin instead. ]
It's okay. It doesn't matter if it's late. [ careful, tone more of a tiptoe. ] What happened? Are you okay?
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since the argument he had with vie the other night, not a lot does except figuring out just how to protect him.
the contacts he has a better relationship with give him more tangible information, papers and bits of contracts he shouldn't have. it's the pictures that help, though. he knows he's never seen chul in person, doesn't have any idea what kind of deal he might want with vie, not outside of what sunni said. at the end of the day, he's trying not to let himself tip into thinking the very worst. but it turns out helpful information pertaining to the amber house and its members is hard to get a hand on.
it's later at night when he's at home, waiting for vie. the papers on the coffee table are the few he's bought off another contact and none of them are helpful in the slightest. he knows vie should be back soon, keeps his phone face up on the table in his line of vision just in case. there's no balance between them now, precarious or not. he knows they may as well be in pieces, that something between them snapped that other night. it doesn't matter, though.
if he keeps telling himself that, he thinks he might start to believe it. ]
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it's not as simple as that, though. what he does see tells him that jaejin is in the middle of something, papers he briefly thinks to ask about before ignoring it in favor of focusing on getting his shoes off – and then his jacket – with as little noise and grimacing as possible. it's a decent attempt despite the heat rising into his face, and though vie offers jaejin a smile, it's tight and weary and a complete reflection of how he feels on the inside. because he misses him. he misses the sweetness in their texts and calls, the longing that had been there each and every time they finally got to see one another.
now, they see each other relatively frequently, but vie is in too much discomfort to really do much about it. ]
I'm sorry I'm a little late. [ since he'd said he would be back in a few hours. ] I'm going to shower first.
[ so he doesn't feel as disgusting as he does when they finally have a moment together. ]
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[ can he tell he's teasing him? ]
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vie tries to think of something to say, but each time he swallows, it's a reminder that chul's hands had been around his throat and squeezing with the intention of really hurting him. he'd rather avoid any thoughts about that right now, though all he can think about is chul trying to scramble for jaejin once the damage had been done, and the blood having soaked into his own shirt is reminder enough of what had actually happened. vie had to think quickly on his feet then; chul's guards wouldn't return for the rest of the night, at the very least, and the one watching the door hadn't batted an eye at their current state as they'd slowly filed out to the car waiting for them.
his driver, as always, doesn't ask, and he curls his fingers tightly in his lap to keep himself from reaching out to take hold of jaejin's hand. he needs some kind of solidity right now, but it will have to wait. they need to pack their things and leave the city. he needs to call sunni, though all he will do, at most, is send him a text before turning his phone off completely. time away sounds too good to be true, and yet, that's all vie's thoughts circle around as they get out of the car and reach jaejin's place. his keys shake just a little as he unlocks the door, and once they're closed off from the world, vie's focus narrows. ]
Pack what you think you will need for a few days. We can come back for the rest later.
[ just essentials, he thinks, and he's holding his breath the entire time, making a beeline for the bedroom even as he begins to unbutton his shirt so he can change. ]
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what should matter, anyway, is that vie is free now. he's free to make what choices he wants to make instead of the ones he feels he needs to. jaejin isn't sure if he still feels as though he owes people and if that will color his decisions, but this is better than the position he'd been in before. that has to count for something.
once inside of his apartment, partway on autopilot, he watches vie leave for the bedroom and stands there for a moment, looking towards the living room, but not really focusing on anything. if he lets himself think about it, he'll pay too much mind to the fact he's never specifically set out to kill someone and followed through with it. somewhere, in whatever hell he's found himself, he knows his boss is laughing.
instead of following vie to the bedroom, he removes his shirt in the living room, slipping on a hoodie he draped over the back of the couch days ago. before he even thinks of going to the bedroom, he stops by the bathroom to wash the blood off his hands, flexing one of them against the shallow cut on his palm. at the very least, he still does as instructed, taking their toiletries with him to the bedroom and pulling a small suitcase from his closet. he doesn't really know what to say, so he doesn't pad the silence. ]
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and that card has been the focus of most of jaejin's thoughts.
he wants to hold onto the memory of how easy it was to feel lighter around vie, of how easy it was for them to love each other and show it. things feel so heavy now, even the smallest of touches feel like they cost or risk something. jaejin has had some time to think about the night he killed sunni's father, about how everything after may as well have been just a blur of something he can't even name. it still doesn't feel good, but then, he supposes maybe murder shouldn't. even if it was a solution to the problem. even if vie is free now.
as he's done since they arrived, jaejin leaves the place they're stayed in the middle of the sun rising to fetch fresh cut flowers and breakfast for vie, breathing in the sharpness of the morning air. instead of setting the table when he comes back this time, he's careful to set up vie's breakfast on the wooden cutting board in the kitchenette so he can bring it to him in bed. sitting on the side he was sleeping on before, he's careful to set it on the nightstand before he reaches over to gently touch vie's shoulder. ]
I brought you breakfast, if you're feeling up to it.
[ quiet, just in case he isn't. if vie wants to sleep more, he can put it in the small refrigerator for later instead. ]
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he's barely awake when he hears him leave, and he has his face smothered into a pillow when he feels that warm presence return. ]
Breakfast? [ it's a lazy mumble, turning onto his side so he's curled towards jaejin. ] Are you going to share it with me?
[ forcing his eyes open, he settles a gentle look at jaejin as his hand seeks out the one on his shoulder. for a while, he'd like to forget the outside world and what they have to return to. for a while, he wishes he could see jaejin smile at him again and not be so tentative, to reach out towards him and hold on with every bit of life he knows is there. for a while feels much too long now, and he sighs, giving jaejin's fingers a squeezing tug in an attempt to wordlessly coax him back into bed. ]
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halfway to the park, he'd decided to call sunni and discuss their options, so to speak, and vie had ended it shortly after informing him that he didn't want to make too many decisions without informing jaejin first. of course he wouldn't do that, not when he's still trying to navigate how to do that in the first place. it leaves him with a lot more to think about than he'd actually like, and when he notices the time, he realizes he's been gone for almost an hour, wandering aimlessly around the small city center before turning to navigate his way back to the villa he's sharing with jaejin.
on the way, he's too caught in his own thoughts to really consider a different explanation as to why he'd taken so long on a walk that should have only lasted ten minutes, but vie is certain to buy some flowers from the shop close by to buffer any future conversations. he hardly remembers the name of them, though they're pretty and white and are supposed to represent something. commitment? he hadn't been paying attention, checking his phone far too often and only polite enough to slip away with them. now, at the door, he frowns to himself and tries to shake it off before entering, leaving his shoes in the entryway and searching the rooms for jaejin without bothering to remove his jacket. his smile, as always, is soft when he sees him. ]
I brought you something.
[ which is punctuated with the small bouquet like a shield, hoping to ease some of the tension that still lingers between them before creating even more. ]
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so, he waits.
it's nearing an hour of jaejin fussing around the villa, cleaning anything that appears even mildly out of place. by the time vie returns, he's just finished replacing the sheets on the bed they've been sharing, looking up from it when he sees vie from across the room. his smile is always something of a reassurance, especially when it isn't pained. ]
Flowers? That's very sweet of you. [ even if he has been gone a while. jaejin doesn't really think it's his place to ask why, but he still crosses the room to him, offering a small smile in return. he'll even take the flowers, bringing them to his nose to smell them. ] They're beautiful. Thank you.
[ a pause, considering. ]
Did you find what you needed?
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spooky.
so why do you stick around?
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what do you mean? where are you?
if you need me to come get you, i will.
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i haven't heard from you much today, but i thought we could get dinner.
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i think i may need you to come get me.
we could get something to eat after?
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