[ it doesn't make sense and the confusion is crystal clear on jaejin's features in the way it furrows his brows and sets his mouth. he doesn't know all of the places vie's been, but he's only been to busan the one time and it wasn't necessarily planned in any capacity. when he tips back more, it's only so he can think a little clearer, but he doesn't want to put too much space between them, still staying close. ]
We went to Busan once. Well, you met me there. [ because vie won't remember. he's been completely wiped from his memory somehow. he wonders if that's a missing piece of time or if it's been replaced with something else. he keeps hold of his hand, searching out eye contact again. ] You don't remember that, do you? That day. The one when we both left, not the days that followed.
[ maybe he'll remember the other parts of it, but jaejin isn't so sure. would he remember killing his boss? and then he's pausing, almost horrified. ]
Vie, you could have been hurt. What if they were still here? What if it was something of a trap?
[ jaejin is so sincere, and vie tries his best to reciprocate that feeling, staying close and allowing him whatever comfort he might need. he's suddenly so tired from all the stress of the past week that he doubts it will do any good to think on it right now, but all he does is shake his head just slightly in response. no, he doesn't remember busan. no, he doesn't remember going there or doing anything there with jaejin. he has all the proof of it right there and in his past itineraries, but there's no memory of it. nothing. just a haze and some vague feeling that he doesn't know how to interpret.
it's beyond frustrating and has been for a while ]
If we were together, I don't remember it. [ such a confession leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. this isn't fair to jaejin. ] But I wasn't too concerned about that. I was worried about you. If it had been a trap, I would have been ready for it. I know how to take care of myself.
[ and with that, he closes his eyes and breathes. ]
I only wish I knew how to take care of you. What can I do? How do I help you?
[ it makes jaejin pause, almost kind of jerks him out of all of the white noise hysteria still pumping through his veins. he needs to reel it in, to be better about this instead of just throwing random things at vie with the full knowledge they don't stick because they can't. it's just frustrating to both of them, in the end. he doesn't want that for vie. ]
You should be worried about it. You're important, Vie. I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want anything to happen to you because of me, either. [ he doesn't want this distance, not with the way vie closes his eyes, so he eases back into his space to brush a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ] You being here is all the help I need. I don't know if you realize just how good you are. You make me feel safe.
[ with another pause and a breath, he pulls back again. ]
We weren't with each other the whole day when we left for Busan. I was on a job earlier that day and you were meeting with my old employer. You never really told me what happened exactly, but either you or one of the men with you killed him. [ it's still uncomfortable to talk about, just how terrible of a day that really was. ] I was at someone's house with two men, just a mother and her daughter were there. I was supposed to wipe their memories of the man my boss was targeting. Instead, I hid them and took care of both men so they wouldn't hurt them or find us later.
[ and he dips his gaze, thinking about it. it feels like he can't paint the entire picture for him because they hadn't really discussed it at length before. he's still missing pieces. ]
I left their bodies by the river in the car we came in and got on a train to Busan where you met me later. It wasn't planned. It was a bad day. I don't know why someone would mention Busan to you, Vie. I didn't think anyone else knew.
[ it's a lot to take in, and even the kiss jaejin gives him seems so distant now in comparison. how had he not known about this? perhaps he'd never really asked, not exactly. how they had met, what jaejin was doing before this. what he was doing now. none of that had mattered to vie, and now, it's like a jarring part of who they had been together, history there that he might never get back. it's also something that jaejin doesn't have any recollection of doing, trying to think back to a time he should know and feeling the beginnings of a headache creep up behind his eyes.
he holds onto jaejin for a moment, trying to steady himself, and then, he takes a step back, slipping his hand down to grasp his wrist and navigate him towards the sofa. after rearranging the cushions, he sits and draws jaejin with him so they can both sit comfortably. and talk, hopefully. it's much easier than trying to force himself to remember and potentially passing out. at least, this way, he can touch jaejin as much as possible without crawling on top of him. ]
I wish I could tell you what happened that day, Jaejin. I wish I could tell you a lot of things that I must know some place in my mind. [ he wants to ask if they've talked about this before, to some degree, but he pushes that thought aside. ] But wishing for those things isn't going to help what's going on now. If someone is looking to hurt either of us or even kill us – I don't know. It would make sense to stay together. I wouldn't have to worry then.
[ but vie knows himself, and he will worry regardless. his ambitions suddenly seem minuscule in comparison, which prompts him to wonder if they'd even mattered that much since he'd met jaejin. vie draws jaejin's hand in, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ]
You said you wanted to work alone, but that will only give those responsible a more accessible target.
[ the way vie holds onto him reminds him of the cafe where they'd first met — again. there was something wrong then too, but jaejin doesn't know what it was or what it is now, watching him collect himself and following him to the sofa. he stays close even as he helps with the cushions, keeping an eye on him just in case. if he collapses again, he'll need to be quick, especially with the mess. he lets him draw him onto the sofa, settling close enough his knee bumps his leg when he shifts to face him better.
the guilt is quick to set in too, an easy tide as he listens to vie. maybe it was too much, the sudden ramble of something only he remembers. telling him these things won't help them now, not when vie still has a target on his back large enough to extend to the belongings he left here. memories of a bad day, even shared, have very little place between them now. so, he nods in agreement, worrying his lower lip between his teeth to ward off the apology primed on the tip of his tongue. ]
I don't think this was an attempt to hurt me, at least not physically. They would have waited if it was. [ but he knows what vie means, knows it would be best if they at least work together. with a breath, he wipes any lingering wetness from under his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart stutters in his chest at the feeling of vie's lips against his knuckles. ] There are complications with staying together, but I do agree with you. It really would be best if we did so as much as possible.
[ because he'll worry too. he thinks to ask vie if he could increase his personal security, but decides better of it. it isn't his place, really, and he's sure vie has already done so considering what's happening. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ it doesn't make sense and the confusion is crystal clear on jaejin's features in the way it furrows his brows and sets his mouth. he doesn't know all of the places vie's been, but he's only been to busan the one time and it wasn't necessarily planned in any capacity. when he tips back more, it's only so he can think a little clearer, but he doesn't want to put too much space between them, still staying close. ]
We went to Busan once. Well, you met me there. [ because vie won't remember. he's been completely wiped from his memory somehow. he wonders if that's a missing piece of time or if it's been replaced with something else. he keeps hold of his hand, searching out eye contact again. ] You don't remember that, do you? That day. The one when we both left, not the days that followed.
[ maybe he'll remember the other parts of it, but jaejin isn't so sure. would he remember killing his boss? and then he's pausing, almost horrified. ]
Vie, you could have been hurt. What if they were still here? What if it was something of a trap?
no subject
it's beyond frustrating and has been for a while ]
If we were together, I don't remember it. [ such a confession leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. this isn't fair to jaejin. ] But I wasn't too concerned about that. I was worried about you. If it had been a trap, I would have been ready for it. I know how to take care of myself.
[ and with that, he closes his eyes and breathes. ]
I only wish I knew how to take care of you. What can I do? How do I help you?
no subject
You should be worried about it. You're important, Vie. I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want anything to happen to you because of me, either. [ he doesn't want this distance, not with the way vie closes his eyes, so he eases back into his space to brush a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ] You being here is all the help I need. I don't know if you realize just how good you are. You make me feel safe.
[ with another pause and a breath, he pulls back again. ]
We weren't with each other the whole day when we left for Busan. I was on a job earlier that day and you were meeting with my old employer. You never really told me what happened exactly, but either you or one of the men with you killed him. [ it's still uncomfortable to talk about, just how terrible of a day that really was. ] I was at someone's house with two men, just a mother and her daughter were there. I was supposed to wipe their memories of the man my boss was targeting. Instead, I hid them and took care of both men so they wouldn't hurt them or find us later.
[ and he dips his gaze, thinking about it. it feels like he can't paint the entire picture for him because they hadn't really discussed it at length before. he's still missing pieces. ]
I left their bodies by the river in the car we came in and got on a train to Busan where you met me later. It wasn't planned. It was a bad day. I don't know why someone would mention Busan to you, Vie. I didn't think anyone else knew.
no subject
he holds onto jaejin for a moment, trying to steady himself, and then, he takes a step back, slipping his hand down to grasp his wrist and navigate him towards the sofa. after rearranging the cushions, he sits and draws jaejin with him so they can both sit comfortably. and talk, hopefully. it's much easier than trying to force himself to remember and potentially passing out. at least, this way, he can touch jaejin as much as possible without crawling on top of him. ]
I wish I could tell you what happened that day, Jaejin. I wish I could tell you a lot of things that I must know some place in my mind. [ he wants to ask if they've talked about this before, to some degree, but he pushes that thought aside. ] But wishing for those things isn't going to help what's going on now. If someone is looking to hurt either of us or even kill us – I don't know. It would make sense to stay together. I wouldn't have to worry then.
[ but vie knows himself, and he will worry regardless. his ambitions suddenly seem minuscule in comparison, which prompts him to wonder if they'd even mattered that much since he'd met jaejin. vie draws jaejin's hand in, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ]
You said you wanted to work alone, but that will only give those responsible a more accessible target.
no subject
the guilt is quick to set in too, an easy tide as he listens to vie. maybe it was too much, the sudden ramble of something only he remembers. telling him these things won't help them now, not when vie still has a target on his back large enough to extend to the belongings he left here. memories of a bad day, even shared, have very little place between them now. so, he nods in agreement, worrying his lower lip between his teeth to ward off the apology primed on the tip of his tongue. ]
I don't think this was an attempt to hurt me, at least not physically. They would have waited if it was. [ but he knows what vie means, knows it would be best if they at least work together. with a breath, he wipes any lingering wetness from under his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart stutters in his chest at the feeling of vie's lips against his knuckles. ] There are complications with staying together, but I do agree with you. It really would be best if we did so as much as possible.
[ because he'll worry too. he thinks to ask vie if he could increase his personal security, but decides better of it. it isn't his place, really, and he's sure vie has already done so considering what's happening. ]