[ by the time jaejin joins him, vie has already changed into something a little lighter and certainly something that doesn't reflect the events of the night thus far. he'd used the edge of his ruined shirt to wipe off some of the makeup he'd smeared around his eyes for effect, unsure what to do with it as he watches jaejin walk into the bedroom. vie drops it on the floor and moves to stand next to him so he can help, opening the suitcase even as he looks at jaejin for the first time since everything had happened.
he's never been particularly good at trying to read his thoughts through his expressions, but he doesn't need to be to know that all of it feels upside-down right now. ]
Are you – [ quietly, he clears his throat and ignores the sting of it as if it would help him find the words to say. ] This is what you want, isn't it? I know what you did was for me, but I don't want you to feel obligated. [ is that what he wants to say? vie shakes his head. ] It could be a while before we come back.
[ and while he knows jaejin would more than likely be safe, he just doesn't want him to think he has to do anymore for him than he already has. ]
[ jaejin opens his mouth to thank vie for opening the suitcase, promptly closing it and ignoring the frown that tugs at the corners of his lips at the question. this is who they are now though, isn't it? they need to check with each other to see if they actually want something instead of simply trusting that they do. and the rasp of vie's voice reminds him he didn't do what he did as well as he should have.
so, he nods, still quiet for a moment. he can't help but wonder if this uncertainty is going to be with them forever. ]
I wouldn't go with you out of obligation, Vie. [ there's a sigh paired with it and he blinds, flicking his gaze to the suitcase. ] Is this what you want? Running away like this until things die down.
[ he closes his eyes for a moment. they don't have time for this, but he needs to make time for it because it's important. ]
All I want is to be with you. [ lifting his hand, he presses it gently against his throat. ] So, yes, this is what I want. We could be safe. We wouldn't have to worry about anyone looking for us if we leave, and that's what I want too. For both of us.
[ which does make it complicated, he knows, but perhaps they can figure the details out after they've left all of this behind them, lingering for a moment longer before turning away to pick out some of the things to fold into the suitcase. any other time, he would have simply dropped it inside and worried about the condition of it later, but he wants to be certain there's enough room for jaejin's things more than his own. his fingers brush along the fabric of the hoodie jaejin wears. ]
[ the way vie touches his own throat makes jaejin want to ask him not to speak too much, but he doesn't want him to get the impression he doesn't want to hear what he has to say. it's important to him, every word, even if everything does feel a bit surreal at the moment and he does believe him. more than anything, he wants to believe they'll be okay.
he follows suit with packing, picking simple things he can wear more than once if needed. a small suitcase between them should be more than enough for a few days, just time enough for everything to settle.
looking to vie again at the touch to the hoodie, he attempts a small smile. he wants it to be reassuring. ]
It'll be good for us to get away for a bit. It will give you a chance to recover and for us to decide if we want to stay in the city. I'd like to stay with you regardless.
[ vie looks at him and returns the smile, as slight as it is. there's so much they're going to have to discuss once they leave, and though he's not particularly anticipating that conversation, he hopes there won't be anything hanging over them or between them when it happens. he gives the edge of jaejin's hoodie a gentle tug this time and moves away, returning with a few more things before deciding that they've lingered enough. ]
Regardless. [ it's almost a soft tease. ] I wouldn't want it any other way. But we should hurry.
[ and in an attempt to convince himself that things will be better than they have been, he leans into jaejin's personal space to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
he doesn't like the idea of pressuring him, so he doesn't insist on more, and with another soft smile, vie withdraws to collect whatever else they might need to take with them. money, passports—things he'd arranged beforehand so there wouldn't be any trouble leaving if they had to do it in a hurry. all that's left is telling sunni about what's happened, but he'd rather do that once they're on a plane away from all of this. ]
[ the barely-there tease and kiss to the corner of his mouth that vie gives him almost feel foreign after the events of the night, but jaejin knows he's trying and there's really nothing left to do but move forward. they can't stay here and they can't dwell on the past, not if they don't want to be dead in the water. once vie withdraws completely, he zips their suitcase and walks it to the front door, setting it down near it.
it's then that he lingers for a moment as vie collects the other things they need, quickly deciding on scooping his shirt up from the floor and collecting vie's blood-soaked clothing from his bedroom floor. for better or for worse, jaejin is used to stashing things like this and does so easily, storing them in the closet, tucked behind the box jammed in the corner. if someone comes looking for them, he'd rather they have to really dig for any evidence.
returning to the door, he waits for vie. once he joins him, jaejin takes their suitcase in hand again and opens the door for him. ]
[ in that span of time, vie takes the briefest moment to clean his hands and properly wipe his face. he doubts it would have mattered once they got to the airport, but he doesn't want too much attention drawn to them, checking over the everything once more before joining jaejin at the door. all of the memories here – good and bad – will be left behind for a while, and it's something that vie feels all the way down to his core, pausing to look at jaejin as he stands on the cusp of leaving it all for the sake of keeping both of them safe. ]
I'd thought about it, [ he admits quietly, stepping into the hallway and waiting for jaejin to lock the door before he continues. ] But I didn't want to make too many decisions for you without discussing it first. We can decide in the car.
[ he'd considered somewhere south, even japan. at one point, he'd almost bought them tickets to france or another place in europe. but in the end, he'd decided that some spontaneity would be good; at least it wouldn't have looked completely premeditated if anyone got curious, though he doubts they will considering. with another slight smile, they make it out of the building complex and back in the car, his driver patient and probably much more eager than he should be to still see them together.
this time, once they pull away, vie reaches out to take jaejin's hand. ] Where do you want to go?
[ it's easy enough for jaejin to trip back into being on autopilot, pocketing his keys as if he'll be back later, following vie out of the building, and then insisting on helping the driver put their single piece of luggage in the trunk with the smallest of smiles. it's when they both get a moment to breathe and to process the evening that jaejin thinks they might be in trouble, but they aren't even to the airport yet and he doesn't want to lean into that too heavily.
when vie takes his hand, it's second nature to thread their fingers. ]
I'm not sure. I haven't been many places. [ just busan and the place they tried to drive to that one time. looking back at it, he can't say either trip worked out well. he's not sure this one will, but it's necessary. vie needs time to recover and things need to mellow in the city. with a sigh and a small squeeze to vie's hand: ] I think that's something I'll always need to leave up to you.
[ if only because he doesn't have the experience to back up any decision. besides, vie is the one who wanted to travel someday. maybe this is an opportunity for that. ]
[ without thinking, vie shifts closer so they don't have to stretch as far to meet. at least the warmth of jaejin's hand helps ease some of the tension radiating through him. ]
Then we will leave it to chance. [ whatever flight they can board when they get there, they'll take. he can figure out the rest later. ] But I want you to be certain this is what you want. I don't know how long we'll be gone.
[ it's complicated now. everything's complicated, and he's exhausted, the pain he feels tiring him more at the thought of traveling for so long while constantly being on-guard. vie doesn't want to put that pressure on jaejin either, not after he's just killed someone for him. the thought is a strange one, makes him feel even stranger as they navigate what traffic there is at this hour. his fingers squeeze tightly, holding onto jaejin much more forcefully than he intends. being alone isn't what he wants, so he'll do everything he needs to in order to keep them together. ]
I'm sorry, [ he says a few seconds later. ] Something like this used to be easier. I suppose being married for so long made me soft. I don't want to make the wrong choice.
[ because he can't afford to mess up again and lose jaejin for real. ]
[ jaejin knows they need to plan, knows this is an important step in the process. it doesn't mean he isn't trying not to think about it, about how he deliberately set out to kill someone. how it looked with that someone on top of vie with his hands around his throat. it makes his heart threaten to jam up into his own throat and the car feels too small.
there's no going back from any of this and he wants to tell vie that because it's true. they have to move forward now, or at least he does. vie wasn't the one who did the deed, anyway. he could spin it as being an unwilling witness and keep himself safe that way. jaejin almost wants to suggest it. he made the deal with chul not even a week ago, why would he go back on it so quickly with what was at stake? it could make sense.
what about his parents? he doesn't want to think about this. ]
No, it's okay. We can't stay here right now. It's important that we leave, even for just a few days.
[ there's still so much disconnect between them, and because vie isn't sure how to address it right now, he lets it be. he nods quietly in agreement and continues to spend the rest of the time looking out the window, only removing his hand from jaejin's when they finally arrive at the airport. if they spend all of their time traveling, it wouldn't really equate to much rest or trying to figure things out, but if they spend more than a few days away, it wouldn't matter.
exiting the car, he doesn't wait for his driver to assist him with their suitcase, only loitering long enough that jaejin is with him before departing for one of the terminals to purchase tickets. there's a flight to tokyo-narita in a few hours, but it's not soon enough. almost reluctantly, he decides on the one to france he'd considered earlier and doesn't say much until he has their tickets in-hand and are on their way through security. it might have been nice to have something private, as he always has when he's traveled, but that would raise too much attention if he'd brought someone with him; at least their seats aren't in economy, something he's more than grateful for considering the length of the flight. once they're waiting to board, vie reaches out to curl his fingers in the sleeve of jaejin's hoodie. ]
I hope you like Europe. [ there's an almost hesitant pause. ] I wanted to take you there, but not under these circumstances.
[ and not so subtle, he leans to rest his cheek against jaejin's shoulder. ]
[ when they file out of the car, jaejin takes a moment to thank vie's driver. he follows suit soon though, falling into step with vie and walking with him to the terminal, taking hold of the suitcase while he buys their tickets. as he does, jaejin slips his phone from his pocket, sending his old contact a message to let him know he won't be able to complete the job before his birthday, but will be in contact soon after.
once vie returns with their tickets and they make it through security, jaejin stays close to him, keeping quiet for the most part until they're waiting to board and vie's speaking again. there's something about the way he says it that makes something deep in him ache and he blinks against it, reaching out to rest his hand over vie's where it's curled in the sleeve of his hoodie to give it a gentle squeeze. ]
I know you did. It will still be nice to see it with you.
[ and he tries to relax enough so that his shoulder is a more comfortable place for vie to rest his head. when they do board and find their seats, he won't discourage him from placing it there again, especially if it means he'll get some actual rest during their flight. ]
[ he doesn't know if it's the plane or the feeling of escaping it all, but vie relaxes so much more once they're in the air. the seats are never really comfortable, and yet, somehow, with the arm pushed up between them, vie finds it incredibly easy to fall asleep leaning into jaejin and holding onto him in a way that says he never wants to let him go. whatever he dreams about is forgotten when he awakens a few hours later, blinking things into view and slowly turning his head to hide his face against that hoodie for a moment. the pain in his throat is beginning to set in incredibly fast now, and he wonders how much bruising could be seen if someone looked too closely. ]
I'm sorry. [ it's a soft murmur, eventually shifting to sit up a bit straighter and give jaejin some room to move. ] Are you – did you get any sleep?
[ he swallows around the discomfort and calls for one of the attendants to request a drink, sinking back into the seat to glance at jaejin. the plane lights are dim, but vie can tell he's exhausted. they both are, and no amount of sleep during their trip is going to make it any better. at least, not until they're somewhere with a door they can lock and control who comes and goes.
without thinking, vie finds jaejin's hand and draws it close to him so he can gently massage his fingers. ]
[ vie falls asleep rather quickly and jaejin busies himself with the movie selection, setting the option to subtitles so he doesn't have to put the provided headphones on. he wants to be able to hear everything, if possible. he tries to stay relaxed for vie's sake, only adjusting a little those few hours he's sleeping because he doesn't want to jostle him too much. it gives him time to think, which isn't necessarily a good thing, his mind running through the events that led them here as he occasionally aggravates the cut on his palm.
when vie starts to move, he's almost starting his third movie, refraining from it to instead turn his attention to him. the rasp in his voice is getting worse, rough and painful sounding, so he imagines it must feel even worse. if he was quicker or stronger, that wouldn't be a problem, but here they are.
he lets his fingers curl against vie's, just barely. ]
You need the rest, Vie. There's nothing to apologize for. [ he thinks to bypass the question, but sighs instead. he knows vie won't like the answer. ] I haven't slept yet, but I will once we arrive.
[ time seems impossible to keep track of despite catching the numbers on the display, and once he has his drink, he sips at it for a few moments to ease whatever discomfort he feels—physically and mentally. vie doesn't really like the answer he's given him, but it's not as if he can force him to relax. neither of them really have the luxury, which stirs his guilt ever so slightly as he returns to rubbing their fingers together.
any kind of contact helps, and he needs it to feel grounded or risk spiraling. ]
You need the rest, too. [ it's gentle chiding, only wanting to point out the obvious. ] I know it might be difficult, but we're fine here. No one knows we left. They won't even realize what's happened until long after we've landed.
[ is that going to help ease his worries? he doubts it, not after the night they've had, and almost reluctantly, he releases his hand to have more of his drink, savoring the coolness by pressing it against the side of his throat where he can still feel the ghost of chul's fingers squeezing into his skin. he knows it isn't going to look good by the time it completely sets in, but that's not something to think about right now.
his smile is slight but genuine. ] I'll stay awake with you if you insist on not resting.
[ as usual, vie is right and jaejin knows it. he should be taking the chance to rest, but he can't even bring himself to watch a movie like every other person on the plane is, what with the route he's chosen with the subtitles. he should be able to, but the anxiety under his skin almost makes him itch with nerves. his attention flicks to watch vie rub their fingers together.
things will be fine. they're going to be alright, far away from the city. it should feel good that they've finally left. he wants to believe it will. ]
That's not very fair. We both know you need it a little more than I do. [ and maybe his gaze lingers on the drink vie has pressed against his throat before it drifts to catch his eyes. ] They might have ice cream. I've heard they serve it on planes sometimes. It could help.
[ vie catches his gaze over the rim of his cup as he takes another drink, and once he's set it aside, he picks up jaejin's hand again, intent on memorizing every curve and ridge of his palm and fingers. there's still so much to talk about, especially now that there's nothing holding them back from doing what they want, but vie knows this isn't the place for it. perhaps he shouldn't be so stubborn and let jaejin do the things that help him manage the situation, even with as little sleep as he's had.
he leans close to him, voice low to whisper. ]
I know you think you need to take care of me right now, but we should be taking care of each other. We should rest so we're both equally alert. [ it only makes sense to him, but he can't help smiling. ] As much as I like the idea, I don't know if I can eat anything at the moment. Maybe after we both get some sleep.
[ it's almost a question, trying to nudge jaejin in the direction of unwinding just enough to relax for a little while. ]
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he's never been particularly good at trying to read his thoughts through his expressions, but he doesn't need to be to know that all of it feels upside-down right now. ]
Are you – [ quietly, he clears his throat and ignores the sting of it as if it would help him find the words to say. ] This is what you want, isn't it? I know what you did was for me, but I don't want you to feel obligated. [ is that what he wants to say? vie shakes his head. ] It could be a while before we come back.
[ and while he knows jaejin would more than likely be safe, he just doesn't want him to think he has to do anymore for him than he already has. ]
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so, he nods, still quiet for a moment. he can't help but wonder if this uncertainty is going to be with them forever. ]
I wouldn't go with you out of obligation, Vie. [ there's a sigh paired with it and he blinds, flicking his gaze to the suitcase. ] Is this what you want? Running away like this until things die down.
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All I want is to be with you. [ lifting his hand, he presses it gently against his throat. ] So, yes, this is what I want. We could be safe. We wouldn't have to worry about anyone looking for us if we leave, and that's what I want too. For both of us.
[ which does make it complicated, he knows, but perhaps they can figure the details out after they've left all of this behind them, lingering for a moment longer before turning away to pick out some of the things to fold into the suitcase. any other time, he would have simply dropped it inside and worried about the condition of it later, but he wants to be certain there's enough room for jaejin's things more than his own. his fingers brush along the fabric of the hoodie jaejin wears. ]
Tell me what you're thinking.
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he follows suit with packing, picking simple things he can wear more than once if needed. a small suitcase between them should be more than enough for a few days, just time enough for everything to settle.
looking to vie again at the touch to the hoodie, he attempts a small smile. he wants it to be reassuring. ]
It'll be good for us to get away for a bit. It will give you a chance to recover and for us to decide if we want to stay in the city. I'd like to stay with you regardless.
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Regardless. [ it's almost a soft tease. ] I wouldn't want it any other way. But we should hurry.
[ and in an attempt to convince himself that things will be better than they have been, he leans into jaejin's personal space to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
he doesn't like the idea of pressuring him, so he doesn't insist on more, and with another soft smile, vie withdraws to collect whatever else they might need to take with them. money, passports—things he'd arranged beforehand so there wouldn't be any trouble leaving if they had to do it in a hurry. all that's left is telling sunni about what's happened, but he'd rather do that once they're on a plane away from all of this. ]
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it's then that he lingers for a moment as vie collects the other things they need, quickly deciding on scooping his shirt up from the floor and collecting vie's blood-soaked clothing from his bedroom floor. for better or for worse, jaejin is used to stashing things like this and does so easily, storing them in the closet, tucked behind the box jammed in the corner. if someone comes looking for them, he'd rather they have to really dig for any evidence.
returning to the door, he waits for vie. once he joins him, jaejin takes their suitcase in hand again and opens the door for him. ]
Have you already planned where we're going?
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I'd thought about it, [ he admits quietly, stepping into the hallway and waiting for jaejin to lock the door before he continues. ] But I didn't want to make too many decisions for you without discussing it first. We can decide in the car.
[ he'd considered somewhere south, even japan. at one point, he'd almost bought them tickets to france or another place in europe. but in the end, he'd decided that some spontaneity would be good; at least it wouldn't have looked completely premeditated if anyone got curious, though he doubts they will considering. with another slight smile, they make it out of the building complex and back in the car, his driver patient and probably much more eager than he should be to still see them together.
this time, once they pull away, vie reaches out to take jaejin's hand. ] Where do you want to go?
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when vie takes his hand, it's second nature to thread their fingers. ]
I'm not sure. I haven't been many places. [ just busan and the place they tried to drive to that one time. looking back at it, he can't say either trip worked out well. he's not sure this one will, but it's necessary. vie needs time to recover and things need to mellow in the city. with a sigh and a small squeeze to vie's hand: ] I think that's something I'll always need to leave up to you.
[ if only because he doesn't have the experience to back up any decision. besides, vie is the one who wanted to travel someday. maybe this is an opportunity for that. ]
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Then we will leave it to chance. [ whatever flight they can board when they get there, they'll take. he can figure out the rest later. ] But I want you to be certain this is what you want. I don't know how long we'll be gone.
[ it's complicated now. everything's complicated, and he's exhausted, the pain he feels tiring him more at the thought of traveling for so long while constantly being on-guard. vie doesn't want to put that pressure on jaejin either, not after he's just killed someone for him. the thought is a strange one, makes him feel even stranger as they navigate what traffic there is at this hour. his fingers squeeze tightly, holding onto jaejin much more forcefully than he intends. being alone isn't what he wants, so he'll do everything he needs to in order to keep them together. ]
I'm sorry, [ he says a few seconds later. ] Something like this used to be easier. I suppose being married for so long made me soft. I don't want to make the wrong choice.
[ because he can't afford to mess up again and lose jaejin for real. ]
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there's no going back from any of this and he wants to tell vie that because it's true. they have to move forward now, or at least he does. vie wasn't the one who did the deed, anyway. he could spin it as being an unwilling witness and keep himself safe that way. jaejin almost wants to suggest it. he made the deal with chul not even a week ago, why would he go back on it so quickly with what was at stake? it could make sense.
what about his parents? he doesn't want to think about this. ]
No, it's okay. We can't stay here right now. It's important that we leave, even for just a few days.
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exiting the car, he doesn't wait for his driver to assist him with their suitcase, only loitering long enough that jaejin is with him before departing for one of the terminals to purchase tickets. there's a flight to tokyo-narita in a few hours, but it's not soon enough. almost reluctantly, he decides on the one to france he'd considered earlier and doesn't say much until he has their tickets in-hand and are on their way through security. it might have been nice to have something private, as he always has when he's traveled, but that would raise too much attention if he'd brought someone with him; at least their seats aren't in economy, something he's more than grateful for considering the length of the flight. once they're waiting to board, vie reaches out to curl his fingers in the sleeve of jaejin's hoodie. ]
I hope you like Europe. [ there's an almost hesitant pause. ] I wanted to take you there, but not under these circumstances.
[ and not so subtle, he leans to rest his cheek against jaejin's shoulder. ]
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once vie returns with their tickets and they make it through security, jaejin stays close to him, keeping quiet for the most part until they're waiting to board and vie's speaking again. there's something about the way he says it that makes something deep in him ache and he blinks against it, reaching out to rest his hand over vie's where it's curled in the sleeve of his hoodie to give it a gentle squeeze. ]
I know you did. It will still be nice to see it with you.
[ and he tries to relax enough so that his shoulder is a more comfortable place for vie to rest his head. when they do board and find their seats, he won't discourage him from placing it there again, especially if it means he'll get some actual rest during their flight. ]
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I'm sorry. [ it's a soft murmur, eventually shifting to sit up a bit straighter and give jaejin some room to move. ] Are you – did you get any sleep?
[ he swallows around the discomfort and calls for one of the attendants to request a drink, sinking back into the seat to glance at jaejin. the plane lights are dim, but vie can tell he's exhausted. they both are, and no amount of sleep during their trip is going to make it any better. at least, not until they're somewhere with a door they can lock and control who comes and goes.
without thinking, vie finds jaejin's hand and draws it close to him so he can gently massage his fingers. ]
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when vie starts to move, he's almost starting his third movie, refraining from it to instead turn his attention to him. the rasp in his voice is getting worse, rough and painful sounding, so he imagines it must feel even worse. if he was quicker or stronger, that wouldn't be a problem, but here they are.
he lets his fingers curl against vie's, just barely. ]
You need the rest, Vie. There's nothing to apologize for. [ he thinks to bypass the question, but sighs instead. he knows vie won't like the answer. ] I haven't slept yet, but I will once we arrive.
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any kind of contact helps, and he needs it to feel grounded or risk spiraling. ]
You need the rest, too. [ it's gentle chiding, only wanting to point out the obvious. ] I know it might be difficult, but we're fine here. No one knows we left. They won't even realize what's happened until long after we've landed.
[ is that going to help ease his worries? he doubts it, not after the night they've had, and almost reluctantly, he releases his hand to have more of his drink, savoring the coolness by pressing it against the side of his throat where he can still feel the ghost of chul's fingers squeezing into his skin. he knows it isn't going to look good by the time it completely sets in, but that's not something to think about right now.
his smile is slight but genuine. ] I'll stay awake with you if you insist on not resting.
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things will be fine. they're going to be alright, far away from the city. it should feel good that they've finally left. he wants to believe it will. ]
That's not very fair. We both know you need it a little more than I do. [ and maybe his gaze lingers on the drink vie has pressed against his throat before it drifts to catch his eyes. ] They might have ice cream. I've heard they serve it on planes sometimes. It could help.
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he leans close to him, voice low to whisper. ]
I know you think you need to take care of me right now, but we should be taking care of each other. We should rest so we're both equally alert. [ it only makes sense to him, but he can't help smiling. ] As much as I like the idea, I don't know if I can eat anything at the moment. Maybe after we both get some sleep.
[ it's almost a question, trying to nudge jaejin in the direction of unwinding just enough to relax for a little while. ]