[ he gets the phone call halfway back to his condo, the number unknown and the voice equally strange. if anything, it's a threat. vague, really, but a threat nonetheless, targeted specifically at jaejin rather than him. why? vie can't pinpoint it exactly because he doesn't have the knowledge, can't remember much of their time together besides the numerous amounts of messages and receipts for calls they'd exchanged—including several when he'd been overseas. so, the worry is immediately there when it ends abruptly with a not-so-casual or else.
vie doesn't take kindly to it, instructing his driver to turn around and take him to jaejin's apartment. there's no time to call him, not when they're only a handful of minutes away, and as soon as he steps outside, something feels off to him. that sensation grows the closer he gets to jaejin's place, uneasy when he rounds the corridor and finds the door already ajar. it's fear and something else, something unknown, that has him pushing it open slightly and stepping inside with his fingers curled so tightly into a fist that it almost hurts.
maybe he should have called him after all. ]
Jaejin? [ he calls his name out loud enough to be heard, trying not to hold his breath. ] Are you home?
[ jaejin's apartment is a disaster. it's obvious the moment he opens the door when he gets home, trying to unwind from a night of the unpleasantness of having to deal with some of the more less than savory contacts he still has from his time with his old boss. upon further investigation, it's mostly that things have been rummaged through, rather than broken. the couch cushions are thrown around the room along with basically everything else, but more pulled apart as if someone was looking for something. he doesn't think to close the door before making his way deeper into the dark of his apartment, following the mess to his room.
which is, apparently, where they found what they were looking for. his heart is loud in his ears as he looks over his room, taking silent stock of every piece of vie's belongings shredded and scattered all over it. when his eyes land on his bed and the sweater that isn't even salvageable, he finally flips on the light, trying to ignore the breath that pushes itself from his lungs, almost damp.
and then vie's voice carries over from the front, his name different than he's ever heard him say it before, and he tries to collect himself as quickly as possible, failing as his breath comes quicker and he has to pace himself. ]
I'm here. [ he knows his voice cracks on the second word as well as he knows his eyes burn, wet. wiping at them quickly, he turns the light in his room off, unsure if he's trying to hide it from vie or if he needs to be able to fool himself in order not to have a full meltdown over this. ] I'm okay.
[ that unsavory feeling doesn't dissipate as he follows the sound of his voice, conscious of its tone and disliking how airy it sounds. almost choked. out of some automatic instinct, he finds the switch for the light in the short hallway and meets him just outside his bedroom door, the relief that washes over him sinking into his chest like a weight. it steals his breath.
vie has his hands on him before he can help himself, cupping his face and already noticing the wetness there. he doesn't ask, not yet. instead, silently, he checks to be certain jaejin is as okay as he says he is, and then, without any prompting or a cue, he wraps him in his arms and holds him tight. he can't say what it had been about that phone call, but worry and fear had rocked him so badly, he hadn't been able to think straight. he would have destroyed this entire building if something had happened to him, and it's an odd sentiment to fully believe in without the deeper memories to back it up. but that doesn't matter. what matters is jaejin. ]
Were you here when it happened? Did they take anything?
[ it's a soft whisper against his hair. he can check the apartment with him, double-check the closets before locking the front door. temporarily, at least. vie wants to take him somewhere with a measure of security for the night, though that most likely means a nearby hotel. ]
[ it's strange how in all of the years he's been on his own in varying ways, nothing like this has ever happened. he doesn't know what he's feeling when he first catches sight of vie, knows he's looking at him like he's seen a ghost because he simply doesn't know how to process this. he doesn't really have time to, though, because vie's wrapping his arms around him and holding him and he feels the way he chokes out a sob all the way in his bones, trying to cover his mouth with one of his hands.
it feels like busan again, but so much different at the same time. he hadn't been worried about his safety before, but with vie here, he feels completely safe. maybe that's why the shock wears off almost immediately. ]
Your things. [ pulling his hand away, he tries to squirm out of vie's hold, the panic setting in instead. everything else is pushed out in a rush of air: ] Vie, everything you left. They ruined it all. I don't know why, but they did. They didn't even take it, they just tore it all apart. I'm so sorry.
[ he needs to breathe and he tries to remind himself, gripping at one of vie's sleeves. ]
[ he isn't ready for any of it. not the way jaejin cracks, not the brief struggle to be free that vie nearly gives him. but he stops him with a gentle look, parsing those words and realizing, now, that it isn't just about jaejin. whoever's responsible for this is sending a message to them both, and perhaps it hadn't been smart to stay so in-touch. vie refuses to think about that though, shaking his head firmly as if that alone would tell jaejin exactly how he feels. ]
Jaejin. [ vie lightly, very lightly, presses his palm against his chest. ] Jaejin, look at me. It's alright. [ breathing in deep, his other hand cups the back of jaejin's neck and navigates him in a way that has their foreheads pressed together. there's still space, but he's right there with him. always. ] They were just things, and I know they are important. But nothing is important as you. You don't have to apologize for that.
[ what would be the point? clothes, even with sentimentality attached, can be replaced. people? a lot more difficult and never usually possible. he strokes his fingers over his chest to his shoulder, trying to ground him and keep him as calm as he can. ]
Breathe for me. Please? We're both safe. I'm here. [ and he hopes that means something. ]
[ all of his (poor) instincts are screaming at him to do something, anything, about the mess in his bedroom. all of the memories, the sweater, and they're gone, ruined. it's something that's so engrained in him, the desire to keep things just in case. if he forgets, neither one of them will remember. it'll all be lost, like it never happened. but he sets his free hand over the one vie has on his chest, holding it there tighter as he tries to maintain eye contact.
and it works, if only for the moment as he allows himself to breathe with him, squeezing his eyes shut against the panic still lodged in his throat. to his credit, he doesn't even fight to keep his hand where it is, calming down. he's right that they were just things. maybe if vie is here, if he's safe, that's all that matters. if they both forget, at least they'll still have this. ]
I'm sorry. I'm okay. [ if he says it enough, he might believe it. he wants to be better for vie, to not completely crumble under the weight of everything slowly building. he needs to be stronger than this. ] I wasn't even here when it happened. The door was locked when I came home. If they hadn't— [ no, he tries again: ] I never would have known.
[ he gives the slightest shake of his head, not minding so much that it's never made sense for him to be there until that very moment. without his memories, vie doesn't belong in this life. he doesn't belong to jaejin in the way his feelings are a ghost of the person who'd been with him, and it's a heartache he has to swallow for the sake of it all, searching for strength even as the hand on jaejin's shoulder loosens lightly and slips around to smooth down his back. ]
I didn't. [ his voice is soft, eyes downcast towards their hands against his chest. ] Someone called me before I got home. I didn't recognize the number or the voice, but they threatened you. They said something about Busan as well. I believe it was Busan. I really couldn't focus on anything except coming here to make sure you weren't hurt.
[ it had shaken him deeply, drawing back to look at jaejin's face again and wanting to soak in his features. despite the wetness rimming his eyes, he truly does seem fine. physically, at least. getting away from this apartment will eventually do them both some good, even if they don't sleep. ]
I don't want something to happen to you because of me.
[ it doesn't make sense and the confusion is crystal clear on jaejin's features in the way it furrows his brows and sets his mouth. he doesn't know all of the places vie's been, but he's only been to busan the one time and it wasn't necessarily planned in any capacity. when he tips back more, it's only so he can think a little clearer, but he doesn't want to put too much space between them, still staying close. ]
We went to Busan once. Well, you met me there. [ because vie won't remember. he's been completely wiped from his memory somehow. he wonders if that's a missing piece of time or if it's been replaced with something else. he keeps hold of his hand, searching out eye contact again. ] You don't remember that, do you? That day. The one when we both left, not the days that followed.
[ maybe he'll remember the other parts of it, but jaejin isn't so sure. would he remember killing his boss? and then he's pausing, almost horrified. ]
Vie, you could have been hurt. What if they were still here? What if it was something of a trap?
[ jaejin is so sincere, and vie tries his best to reciprocate that feeling, staying close and allowing him whatever comfort he might need. he's suddenly so tired from all the stress of the past week that he doubts it will do any good to think on it right now, but all he does is shake his head just slightly in response. no, he doesn't remember busan. no, he doesn't remember going there or doing anything there with jaejin. he has all the proof of it right there and in his past itineraries, but there's no memory of it. nothing. just a haze and some vague feeling that he doesn't know how to interpret.
it's beyond frustrating and has been for a while ]
If we were together, I don't remember it. [ such a confession leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. this isn't fair to jaejin. ] But I wasn't too concerned about that. I was worried about you. If it had been a trap, I would have been ready for it. I know how to take care of myself.
[ and with that, he closes his eyes and breathes. ]
I only wish I knew how to take care of you. What can I do? How do I help you?
[ it makes jaejin pause, almost kind of jerks him out of all of the white noise hysteria still pumping through his veins. he needs to reel it in, to be better about this instead of just throwing random things at vie with the full knowledge they don't stick because they can't. it's just frustrating to both of them, in the end. he doesn't want that for vie. ]
You should be worried about it. You're important, Vie. I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want anything to happen to you because of me, either. [ he doesn't want this distance, not with the way vie closes his eyes, so he eases back into his space to brush a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ] You being here is all the help I need. I don't know if you realize just how good you are. You make me feel safe.
[ with another pause and a breath, he pulls back again. ]
We weren't with each other the whole day when we left for Busan. I was on a job earlier that day and you were meeting with my old employer. You never really told me what happened exactly, but either you or one of the men with you killed him. [ it's still uncomfortable to talk about, just how terrible of a day that really was. ] I was at someone's house with two men, just a mother and her daughter were there. I was supposed to wipe their memories of the man my boss was targeting. Instead, I hid them and took care of both men so they wouldn't hurt them or find us later.
[ and he dips his gaze, thinking about it. it feels like he can't paint the entire picture for him because they hadn't really discussed it at length before. he's still missing pieces. ]
I left their bodies by the river in the car we came in and got on a train to Busan where you met me later. It wasn't planned. It was a bad day. I don't know why someone would mention Busan to you, Vie. I didn't think anyone else knew.
[ it's a lot to take in, and even the kiss jaejin gives him seems so distant now in comparison. how had he not known about this? perhaps he'd never really asked, not exactly. how they had met, what jaejin was doing before this. what he was doing now. none of that had mattered to vie, and now, it's like a jarring part of who they had been together, history there that he might never get back. it's also something that jaejin doesn't have any recollection of doing, trying to think back to a time he should know and feeling the beginnings of a headache creep up behind his eyes.
he holds onto jaejin for a moment, trying to steady himself, and then, he takes a step back, slipping his hand down to grasp his wrist and navigate him towards the sofa. after rearranging the cushions, he sits and draws jaejin with him so they can both sit comfortably. and talk, hopefully. it's much easier than trying to force himself to remember and potentially passing out. at least, this way, he can touch jaejin as much as possible without crawling on top of him. ]
I wish I could tell you what happened that day, Jaejin. I wish I could tell you a lot of things that I must know some place in my mind. [ he wants to ask if they've talked about this before, to some degree, but he pushes that thought aside. ] But wishing for those things isn't going to help what's going on now. If someone is looking to hurt either of us or even kill us – I don't know. It would make sense to stay together. I wouldn't have to worry then.
[ but vie knows himself, and he will worry regardless. his ambitions suddenly seem minuscule in comparison, which prompts him to wonder if they'd even mattered that much since he'd met jaejin. vie draws jaejin's hand in, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ]
You said you wanted to work alone, but that will only give those responsible a more accessible target.
[ the way vie holds onto him reminds him of the cafe where they'd first met — again. there was something wrong then too, but jaejin doesn't know what it was or what it is now, watching him collect himself and following him to the sofa. he stays close even as he helps with the cushions, keeping an eye on him just in case. if he collapses again, he'll need to be quick, especially with the mess. he lets him draw him onto the sofa, settling close enough his knee bumps his leg when he shifts to face him better.
the guilt is quick to set in too, an easy tide as he listens to vie. maybe it was too much, the sudden ramble of something only he remembers. telling him these things won't help them now, not when vie still has a target on his back large enough to extend to the belongings he left here. memories of a bad day, even shared, have very little place between them now. so, he nods in agreement, worrying his lower lip between his teeth to ward off the apology primed on the tip of his tongue. ]
I don't think this was an attempt to hurt me, at least not physically. They would have waited if it was. [ but he knows what vie means, knows it would be best if they at least work together. with a breath, he wipes any lingering wetness from under his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart stutters in his chest at the feeling of vie's lips against his knuckles. ] There are complications with staying together, but I do agree with you. It really would be best if we did so as much as possible.
[ because he'll worry too. he thinks to ask vie if he could increase his personal security, but decides better of it. it isn't his place, really, and he's sure vie has already done so considering what's happening. ]
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no subject
vie doesn't take kindly to it, instructing his driver to turn around and take him to jaejin's apartment. there's no time to call him, not when they're only a handful of minutes away, and as soon as he steps outside, something feels off to him. that sensation grows the closer he gets to jaejin's place, uneasy when he rounds the corridor and finds the door already ajar. it's fear and something else, something unknown, that has him pushing it open slightly and stepping inside with his fingers curled so tightly into a fist that it almost hurts.
maybe he should have called him after all. ]
Jaejin? [ he calls his name out loud enough to be heard, trying not to hold his breath. ] Are you home?
no subject
which is, apparently, where they found what they were looking for. his heart is loud in his ears as he looks over his room, taking silent stock of every piece of vie's belongings shredded and scattered all over it. when his eyes land on his bed and the sweater that isn't even salvageable, he finally flips on the light, trying to ignore the breath that pushes itself from his lungs, almost damp.
and then vie's voice carries over from the front, his name different than he's ever heard him say it before, and he tries to collect himself as quickly as possible, failing as his breath comes quicker and he has to pace himself. ]
I'm here. [ he knows his voice cracks on the second word as well as he knows his eyes burn, wet. wiping at them quickly, he turns the light in his room off, unsure if he's trying to hide it from vie or if he needs to be able to fool himself in order not to have a full meltdown over this. ] I'm okay.
no subject
vie has his hands on him before he can help himself, cupping his face and already noticing the wetness there. he doesn't ask, not yet. instead, silently, he checks to be certain jaejin is as okay as he says he is, and then, without any prompting or a cue, he wraps him in his arms and holds him tight. he can't say what it had been about that phone call, but worry and fear had rocked him so badly, he hadn't been able to think straight. he would have destroyed this entire building if something had happened to him, and it's an odd sentiment to fully believe in without the deeper memories to back it up. but that doesn't matter. what matters is jaejin. ]
Were you here when it happened? Did they take anything?
[ it's a soft whisper against his hair. he can check the apartment with him, double-check the closets before locking the front door. temporarily, at least. vie wants to take him somewhere with a measure of security for the night, though that most likely means a nearby hotel. ]
no subject
it feels like busan again, but so much different at the same time. he hadn't been worried about his safety before, but with vie here, he feels completely safe. maybe that's why the shock wears off almost immediately. ]
Your things. [ pulling his hand away, he tries to squirm out of vie's hold, the panic setting in instead. everything else is pushed out in a rush of air: ] Vie, everything you left. They ruined it all. I don't know why, but they did. They didn't even take it, they just tore it all apart. I'm so sorry.
[ he needs to breathe and he tries to remind himself, gripping at one of vie's sleeves. ]
no subject
Jaejin. [ vie lightly, very lightly, presses his palm against his chest. ] Jaejin, look at me. It's alright. [ breathing in deep, his other hand cups the back of jaejin's neck and navigates him in a way that has their foreheads pressed together. there's still space, but he's right there with him. always. ] They were just things, and I know they are important. But nothing is important as you. You don't have to apologize for that.
[ what would be the point? clothes, even with sentimentality attached, can be replaced. people? a lot more difficult and never usually possible. he strokes his fingers over his chest to his shoulder, trying to ground him and keep him as calm as he can. ]
Breathe for me. Please? We're both safe. I'm here. [ and he hopes that means something. ]
no subject
and it works, if only for the moment as he allows himself to breathe with him, squeezing his eyes shut against the panic still lodged in his throat. to his credit, he doesn't even fight to keep his hand where it is, calming down. he's right that they were just things. maybe if vie is here, if he's safe, that's all that matters. if they both forget, at least they'll still have this. ]
I'm sorry. I'm okay. [ if he says it enough, he might believe it. he wants to be better for vie, to not completely crumble under the weight of everything slowly building. he needs to be stronger than this. ] I wasn't even here when it happened. The door was locked when I came home. If they hadn't— [ no, he tries again: ] I never would have known.
[ but that only leaves him with more questions. ]
Vie, why are you here? How did you know?
no subject
I didn't. [ his voice is soft, eyes downcast towards their hands against his chest. ] Someone called me before I got home. I didn't recognize the number or the voice, but they threatened you. They said something about Busan as well. I believe it was Busan. I really couldn't focus on anything except coming here to make sure you weren't hurt.
[ it had shaken him deeply, drawing back to look at jaejin's face again and wanting to soak in his features. despite the wetness rimming his eyes, he truly does seem fine. physically, at least. getting away from this apartment will eventually do them both some good, even if they don't sleep. ]
I don't want something to happen to you because of me.
no subject
[ it doesn't make sense and the confusion is crystal clear on jaejin's features in the way it furrows his brows and sets his mouth. he doesn't know all of the places vie's been, but he's only been to busan the one time and it wasn't necessarily planned in any capacity. when he tips back more, it's only so he can think a little clearer, but he doesn't want to put too much space between them, still staying close. ]
We went to Busan once. Well, you met me there. [ because vie won't remember. he's been completely wiped from his memory somehow. he wonders if that's a missing piece of time or if it's been replaced with something else. he keeps hold of his hand, searching out eye contact again. ] You don't remember that, do you? That day. The one when we both left, not the days that followed.
[ maybe he'll remember the other parts of it, but jaejin isn't so sure. would he remember killing his boss? and then he's pausing, almost horrified. ]
Vie, you could have been hurt. What if they were still here? What if it was something of a trap?
no subject
it's beyond frustrating and has been for a while ]
If we were together, I don't remember it. [ such a confession leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. this isn't fair to jaejin. ] But I wasn't too concerned about that. I was worried about you. If it had been a trap, I would have been ready for it. I know how to take care of myself.
[ and with that, he closes his eyes and breathes. ]
I only wish I knew how to take care of you. What can I do? How do I help you?
no subject
You should be worried about it. You're important, Vie. I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want anything to happen to you because of me, either. [ he doesn't want this distance, not with the way vie closes his eyes, so he eases back into his space to brush a kiss to the corner of his mouth. ] You being here is all the help I need. I don't know if you realize just how good you are. You make me feel safe.
[ with another pause and a breath, he pulls back again. ]
We weren't with each other the whole day when we left for Busan. I was on a job earlier that day and you were meeting with my old employer. You never really told me what happened exactly, but either you or one of the men with you killed him. [ it's still uncomfortable to talk about, just how terrible of a day that really was. ] I was at someone's house with two men, just a mother and her daughter were there. I was supposed to wipe their memories of the man my boss was targeting. Instead, I hid them and took care of both men so they wouldn't hurt them or find us later.
[ and he dips his gaze, thinking about it. it feels like he can't paint the entire picture for him because they hadn't really discussed it at length before. he's still missing pieces. ]
I left their bodies by the river in the car we came in and got on a train to Busan where you met me later. It wasn't planned. It was a bad day. I don't know why someone would mention Busan to you, Vie. I didn't think anyone else knew.
no subject
he holds onto jaejin for a moment, trying to steady himself, and then, he takes a step back, slipping his hand down to grasp his wrist and navigate him towards the sofa. after rearranging the cushions, he sits and draws jaejin with him so they can both sit comfortably. and talk, hopefully. it's much easier than trying to force himself to remember and potentially passing out. at least, this way, he can touch jaejin as much as possible without crawling on top of him. ]
I wish I could tell you what happened that day, Jaejin. I wish I could tell you a lot of things that I must know some place in my mind. [ he wants to ask if they've talked about this before, to some degree, but he pushes that thought aside. ] But wishing for those things isn't going to help what's going on now. If someone is looking to hurt either of us or even kill us – I don't know. It would make sense to stay together. I wouldn't have to worry then.
[ but vie knows himself, and he will worry regardless. his ambitions suddenly seem minuscule in comparison, which prompts him to wonder if they'd even mattered that much since he'd met jaejin. vie draws jaejin's hand in, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. ]
You said you wanted to work alone, but that will only give those responsible a more accessible target.
no subject
the guilt is quick to set in too, an easy tide as he listens to vie. maybe it was too much, the sudden ramble of something only he remembers. telling him these things won't help them now, not when vie still has a target on his back large enough to extend to the belongings he left here. memories of a bad day, even shared, have very little place between them now. so, he nods in agreement, worrying his lower lip between his teeth to ward off the apology primed on the tip of his tongue. ]
I don't think this was an attempt to hurt me, at least not physically. They would have waited if it was. [ but he knows what vie means, knows it would be best if they at least work together. with a breath, he wipes any lingering wetness from under his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart stutters in his chest at the feeling of vie's lips against his knuckles. ] There are complications with staying together, but I do agree with you. It really would be best if we did so as much as possible.
[ because he'll worry too. he thinks to ask vie if he could increase his personal security, but decides better of it. it isn't his place, really, and he's sure vie has already done so considering what's happening. ]