[ jaejin knows they need to plan, knows this is an important step in the process. it doesn't mean he isn't trying not to think about it, about how he deliberately set out to kill someone. how it looked with that someone on top of vie with his hands around his throat. it makes his heart threaten to jam up into his own throat and the car feels too small.
there's no going back from any of this and he wants to tell vie that because it's true. they have to move forward now, or at least he does. vie wasn't the one who did the deed, anyway. he could spin it as being an unwilling witness and keep himself safe that way. jaejin almost wants to suggest it. he made the deal with chul not even a week ago, why would he go back on it so quickly with what was at stake? it could make sense.
what about his parents? he doesn't want to think about this. ]
No, it's okay. We can't stay here right now. It's important that we leave, even for just a few days.
[ there's still so much disconnect between them, and because vie isn't sure how to address it right now, he lets it be. he nods quietly in agreement and continues to spend the rest of the time looking out the window, only removing his hand from jaejin's when they finally arrive at the airport. if they spend all of their time traveling, it wouldn't really equate to much rest or trying to figure things out, but if they spend more than a few days away, it wouldn't matter.
exiting the car, he doesn't wait for his driver to assist him with their suitcase, only loitering long enough that jaejin is with him before departing for one of the terminals to purchase tickets. there's a flight to tokyo-narita in a few hours, but it's not soon enough. almost reluctantly, he decides on the one to france he'd considered earlier and doesn't say much until he has their tickets in-hand and are on their way through security. it might have been nice to have something private, as he always has when he's traveled, but that would raise too much attention if he'd brought someone with him; at least their seats aren't in economy, something he's more than grateful for considering the length of the flight. once they're waiting to board, vie reaches out to curl his fingers in the sleeve of jaejin's hoodie. ]
I hope you like Europe. [ there's an almost hesitant pause. ] I wanted to take you there, but not under these circumstances.
[ and not so subtle, he leans to rest his cheek against jaejin's shoulder. ]
[ when they file out of the car, jaejin takes a moment to thank vie's driver. he follows suit soon though, falling into step with vie and walking with him to the terminal, taking hold of the suitcase while he buys their tickets. as he does, jaejin slips his phone from his pocket, sending his old contact a message to let him know he won't be able to complete the job before his birthday, but will be in contact soon after.
once vie returns with their tickets and they make it through security, jaejin stays close to him, keeping quiet for the most part until they're waiting to board and vie's speaking again. there's something about the way he says it that makes something deep in him ache and he blinks against it, reaching out to rest his hand over vie's where it's curled in the sleeve of his hoodie to give it a gentle squeeze. ]
I know you did. It will still be nice to see it with you.
[ and he tries to relax enough so that his shoulder is a more comfortable place for vie to rest his head. when they do board and find their seats, he won't discourage him from placing it there again, especially if it means he'll get some actual rest during their flight. ]
[ he doesn't know if it's the plane or the feeling of escaping it all, but vie relaxes so much more once they're in the air. the seats are never really comfortable, and yet, somehow, with the arm pushed up between them, vie finds it incredibly easy to fall asleep leaning into jaejin and holding onto him in a way that says he never wants to let him go. whatever he dreams about is forgotten when he awakens a few hours later, blinking things into view and slowly turning his head to hide his face against that hoodie for a moment. the pain in his throat is beginning to set in incredibly fast now, and he wonders how much bruising could be seen if someone looked too closely. ]
I'm sorry. [ it's a soft murmur, eventually shifting to sit up a bit straighter and give jaejin some room to move. ] Are you – did you get any sleep?
[ he swallows around the discomfort and calls for one of the attendants to request a drink, sinking back into the seat to glance at jaejin. the plane lights are dim, but vie can tell he's exhausted. they both are, and no amount of sleep during their trip is going to make it any better. at least, not until they're somewhere with a door they can lock and control who comes and goes.
without thinking, vie finds jaejin's hand and draws it close to him so he can gently massage his fingers. ]
[ vie falls asleep rather quickly and jaejin busies himself with the movie selection, setting the option to subtitles so he doesn't have to put the provided headphones on. he wants to be able to hear everything, if possible. he tries to stay relaxed for vie's sake, only adjusting a little those few hours he's sleeping because he doesn't want to jostle him too much. it gives him time to think, which isn't necessarily a good thing, his mind running through the events that led them here as he occasionally aggravates the cut on his palm.
when vie starts to move, he's almost starting his third movie, refraining from it to instead turn his attention to him. the rasp in his voice is getting worse, rough and painful sounding, so he imagines it must feel even worse. if he was quicker or stronger, that wouldn't be a problem, but here they are.
he lets his fingers curl against vie's, just barely. ]
You need the rest, Vie. There's nothing to apologize for. [ he thinks to bypass the question, but sighs instead. he knows vie won't like the answer. ] I haven't slept yet, but I will once we arrive.
[ time seems impossible to keep track of despite catching the numbers on the display, and once he has his drink, he sips at it for a few moments to ease whatever discomfort he feels—physically and mentally. vie doesn't really like the answer he's given him, but it's not as if he can force him to relax. neither of them really have the luxury, which stirs his guilt ever so slightly as he returns to rubbing their fingers together.
any kind of contact helps, and he needs it to feel grounded or risk spiraling. ]
You need the rest, too. [ it's gentle chiding, only wanting to point out the obvious. ] I know it might be difficult, but we're fine here. No one knows we left. They won't even realize what's happened until long after we've landed.
[ is that going to help ease his worries? he doubts it, not after the night they've had, and almost reluctantly, he releases his hand to have more of his drink, savoring the coolness by pressing it against the side of his throat where he can still feel the ghost of chul's fingers squeezing into his skin. he knows it isn't going to look good by the time it completely sets in, but that's not something to think about right now.
his smile is slight but genuine. ] I'll stay awake with you if you insist on not resting.
[ as usual, vie is right and jaejin knows it. he should be taking the chance to rest, but he can't even bring himself to watch a movie like every other person on the plane is, what with the route he's chosen with the subtitles. he should be able to, but the anxiety under his skin almost makes him itch with nerves. his attention flicks to watch vie rub their fingers together.
things will be fine. they're going to be alright, far away from the city. it should feel good that they've finally left. he wants to believe it will. ]
That's not very fair. We both know you need it a little more than I do. [ and maybe his gaze lingers on the drink vie has pressed against his throat before it drifts to catch his eyes. ] They might have ice cream. I've heard they serve it on planes sometimes. It could help.
[ vie catches his gaze over the rim of his cup as he takes another drink, and once he's set it aside, he picks up jaejin's hand again, intent on memorizing every curve and ridge of his palm and fingers. there's still so much to talk about, especially now that there's nothing holding them back from doing what they want, but vie knows this isn't the place for it. perhaps he shouldn't be so stubborn and let jaejin do the things that help him manage the situation, even with as little sleep as he's had.
he leans close to him, voice low to whisper. ]
I know you think you need to take care of me right now, but we should be taking care of each other. We should rest so we're both equally alert. [ it only makes sense to him, but he can't help smiling. ] As much as I like the idea, I don't know if I can eat anything at the moment. Maybe after we both get some sleep.
[ it's almost a question, trying to nudge jaejin in the direction of unwinding just enough to relax for a little while. ]
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there's no going back from any of this and he wants to tell vie that because it's true. they have to move forward now, or at least he does. vie wasn't the one who did the deed, anyway. he could spin it as being an unwilling witness and keep himself safe that way. jaejin almost wants to suggest it. he made the deal with chul not even a week ago, why would he go back on it so quickly with what was at stake? it could make sense.
what about his parents? he doesn't want to think about this. ]
No, it's okay. We can't stay here right now. It's important that we leave, even for just a few days.
no subject
exiting the car, he doesn't wait for his driver to assist him with their suitcase, only loitering long enough that jaejin is with him before departing for one of the terminals to purchase tickets. there's a flight to tokyo-narita in a few hours, but it's not soon enough. almost reluctantly, he decides on the one to france he'd considered earlier and doesn't say much until he has their tickets in-hand and are on their way through security. it might have been nice to have something private, as he always has when he's traveled, but that would raise too much attention if he'd brought someone with him; at least their seats aren't in economy, something he's more than grateful for considering the length of the flight. once they're waiting to board, vie reaches out to curl his fingers in the sleeve of jaejin's hoodie. ]
I hope you like Europe. [ there's an almost hesitant pause. ] I wanted to take you there, but not under these circumstances.
[ and not so subtle, he leans to rest his cheek against jaejin's shoulder. ]
no subject
once vie returns with their tickets and they make it through security, jaejin stays close to him, keeping quiet for the most part until they're waiting to board and vie's speaking again. there's something about the way he says it that makes something deep in him ache and he blinks against it, reaching out to rest his hand over vie's where it's curled in the sleeve of his hoodie to give it a gentle squeeze. ]
I know you did. It will still be nice to see it with you.
[ and he tries to relax enough so that his shoulder is a more comfortable place for vie to rest his head. when they do board and find their seats, he won't discourage him from placing it there again, especially if it means he'll get some actual rest during their flight. ]
no subject
I'm sorry. [ it's a soft murmur, eventually shifting to sit up a bit straighter and give jaejin some room to move. ] Are you – did you get any sleep?
[ he swallows around the discomfort and calls for one of the attendants to request a drink, sinking back into the seat to glance at jaejin. the plane lights are dim, but vie can tell he's exhausted. they both are, and no amount of sleep during their trip is going to make it any better. at least, not until they're somewhere with a door they can lock and control who comes and goes.
without thinking, vie finds jaejin's hand and draws it close to him so he can gently massage his fingers. ]
no subject
when vie starts to move, he's almost starting his third movie, refraining from it to instead turn his attention to him. the rasp in his voice is getting worse, rough and painful sounding, so he imagines it must feel even worse. if he was quicker or stronger, that wouldn't be a problem, but here they are.
he lets his fingers curl against vie's, just barely. ]
You need the rest, Vie. There's nothing to apologize for. [ he thinks to bypass the question, but sighs instead. he knows vie won't like the answer. ] I haven't slept yet, but I will once we arrive.
no subject
any kind of contact helps, and he needs it to feel grounded or risk spiraling. ]
You need the rest, too. [ it's gentle chiding, only wanting to point out the obvious. ] I know it might be difficult, but we're fine here. No one knows we left. They won't even realize what's happened until long after we've landed.
[ is that going to help ease his worries? he doubts it, not after the night they've had, and almost reluctantly, he releases his hand to have more of his drink, savoring the coolness by pressing it against the side of his throat where he can still feel the ghost of chul's fingers squeezing into his skin. he knows it isn't going to look good by the time it completely sets in, but that's not something to think about right now.
his smile is slight but genuine. ] I'll stay awake with you if you insist on not resting.
no subject
things will be fine. they're going to be alright, far away from the city. it should feel good that they've finally left. he wants to believe it will. ]
That's not very fair. We both know you need it a little more than I do. [ and maybe his gaze lingers on the drink vie has pressed against his throat before it drifts to catch his eyes. ] They might have ice cream. I've heard they serve it on planes sometimes. It could help.
no subject
he leans close to him, voice low to whisper. ]
I know you think you need to take care of me right now, but we should be taking care of each other. We should rest so we're both equally alert. [ it only makes sense to him, but he can't help smiling. ] As much as I like the idea, I don't know if I can eat anything at the moment. Maybe after we both get some sleep.
[ it's almost a question, trying to nudge jaejin in the direction of unwinding just enough to relax for a little while. ]