[ jaejin's first thought is that it didn't work. seeing vie like this, so disoriented and clearly upset has his heart crawling into his throat. he knows it will be okay, that even though he wasn't able to help him like they both hoped he could, at least they'll have each other. he doesn't know how to react at first though, wishing for all the world that vie could have been happy instead. that he could have fixed this for him.
reaching for him, jaejin slips his fingers into his hair, smoothing it as he leans forward, back bowed like he can hide him from the rest of the world. it breaks his heart, not even just a little bit. ]
Please don't apologize. [ it's close to begging, his voice quiet and gentle. ] We still have each other, don't we? We'll be okay. We can make new memories.
No, [ he breathes the word, and vie clings to him hard for a moment, in need of calm. ] No, it isn't that. I promised you –
[ swallowing, he eases back and looks at him, leans into the touch of his hand and tries to soak it up. if only his actions spoke louder than the words that sit on the tip of his tongue. how can he tell him that he remembers, that he loves him so much more than he'd ever thought? how does he explain that his heart had been missing with those pieces gone from him, and now that they're back, he can barely breathe from the intensity of them? had it always been like this? vie has no frame of reference for it now.
he brushes his knuckles lightly along the curve of jaejin's jaw. ]
At the beginning, I said you could trust me because I would never hurt you. I would never forget you the way everyone else has. But I did. I couldn't even tell you that I – [ vie meets his eyes fiercely, desperate for jaejin's approval. ] I love you, and I always want to remember the way it feels. The way you make me feel.
[ watching vie, listening to him, it takes jaejin a few beats more than he'd like for his words to sink in. it's immediate, the bloom of warmth and hope in his chest, his expression softening along with it. they've worked so hard to get vie his memories back, been through so much in the process. he thinks it's been worth it, even just from the initial lift of weight.
but somehow it doesn't feel good. it feels more like vie is in pieces and maybe he should have anticipated that, but he didn't. when he tips his chin, it's to chase his knuckles with his lips, reaching for his hand to hold it there. ]
It wasn't your fault. You didn't get to make the choice to keep your promise. None of this is your fault. [ he holds eye contact, tries to push as much reassurance as he's able to in his tone. ] You didn't really forget me, Vie. You still remembered me.
[ every part of him aches, and it hurts. he doesn't know why he'd thought it wouldn't have, why he'd assumed that things could go back to the way they had been once his memories had finally returned. a bit of hope, perhaps. or something else, something that makes no sense to him the longer he looks at jaejin and remembers every aching detail of the times he'd spent awake holding him and the numerous times he's kissed every part of him with exquisite slowness. those are the things he wants to dwell on, fingers sinking into the warmth of his skin and slowly exhaling.
vie tries to shake his head but only manages to close his eyes for a moment before opening them again. ]
I never want it to be like that. You are the only one I want, and you are certainly the only person I need in my life. I would like to spend the rest of mine proving to you how much I mean that. [ but he doesn't want to remember how badly it had felt that jaejin had rejected him, so he doesn't. instead, he leans closer to him. ] And nothing I can say will ever come close to explaining how happy I am that you stayed.
[ otherwise, what would have happened to them? what would have happened to jaejin? but he can't bring himself to wonder too much about it, pressing the softest kiss to the corner of jaejin's mouth and squeezing his eyes shut to soak in the warmth of him for the first time in what feels like forever. ]
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reaching for him, jaejin slips his fingers into his hair, smoothing it as he leans forward, back bowed like he can hide him from the rest of the world. it breaks his heart, not even just a little bit. ]
Please don't apologize. [ it's close to begging, his voice quiet and gentle. ] We still have each other, don't we? We'll be okay. We can make new memories.
no subject
[ swallowing, he eases back and looks at him, leans into the touch of his hand and tries to soak it up. if only his actions spoke louder than the words that sit on the tip of his tongue. how can he tell him that he remembers, that he loves him so much more than he'd ever thought? how does he explain that his heart had been missing with those pieces gone from him, and now that they're back, he can barely breathe from the intensity of them? had it always been like this? vie has no frame of reference for it now.
he brushes his knuckles lightly along the curve of jaejin's jaw. ]
At the beginning, I said you could trust me because I would never hurt you. I would never forget you the way everyone else has. But I did. I couldn't even tell you that I – [ vie meets his eyes fiercely, desperate for jaejin's approval. ] I love you, and I always want to remember the way it feels. The way you make me feel.
no subject
but somehow it doesn't feel good. it feels more like vie is in pieces and maybe he should have anticipated that, but he didn't. when he tips his chin, it's to chase his knuckles with his lips, reaching for his hand to hold it there. ]
It wasn't your fault. You didn't get to make the choice to keep your promise. None of this is your fault. [ he holds eye contact, tries to push as much reassurance as he's able to in his tone. ] You didn't really forget me, Vie. You still remembered me.
[ in a way, anyway. it's what matters. ]
no subject
vie tries to shake his head but only manages to close his eyes for a moment before opening them again. ]
I never want it to be like that. You are the only one I want, and you are certainly the only person I need in my life. I would like to spend the rest of mine proving to you how much I mean that. [ but he doesn't want to remember how badly it had felt that jaejin had rejected him, so he doesn't. instead, he leans closer to him. ] And nothing I can say will ever come close to explaining how happy I am that you stayed.
[ otherwise, what would have happened to them? what would have happened to jaejin? but he can't bring himself to wonder too much about it, pressing the softest kiss to the corner of jaejin's mouth and squeezing his eyes shut to soak in the warmth of him for the first time in what feels like forever. ]