I know I don't owe you anything. It isn't about that. [ this time it's quick to leave him and he heaves a sigh, frustrated but only at himself. the temptation to close off is there, to shake his head, apologize, and say he doesn't know what he means either. it would be easy to hurt both of them that way, quick and simple. but in the quiet of the kitchen, their meal cooling in the pan on the stove, he knows he doesn't want to hurt vie that way. ]

I just want you to be able to be happy one day. I know it's hard to imagine right now, but you don't have to do anything. You don't owe me anything either. [ it's uncomfortable and he knows it, the way he keeps tiptoeing around what he really needs to say instead of what's safer. he looks towards the stove then, away from their hands, giving himself an opportunity to situate his thoughts. ] I've just been thinking about the things we discussed the other night.

[ their fight, he means. he doesn't think he's the only one. if he is, that might be a reason to be grateful more than anything else. ]

I'm still not sure I'm part of this.