[ he doesn't know when it finally clicks, maybe somewhere between jaejin saying he loves him and mentioning yves, but it sinks in like a weight that steals his breath. it had been there before, twisted up in the intensity of their argument, and after a while, vie hadn't given it anymore thought. not because he didn't see the merit in it; he'd just never really believed that jaejin could ever think he'd want to be with someone else or leave him for another person. his own actions had dictated that well enough though, almost too well, and the guilt that climbs up into his throat to strangle him silent is nearly too much to comprehend.

rather than run, vie tries to hold his ground. he eases forward, all thought of anything else gone as he settles his hands on jaejin's shoulders. the contact helps—if only a little. ]

Look at me. [ he adds a soft please afterwards, tipping his head to meet his eyes. ] This is exactly what I mean by proving how I feel, Jaejin. I never wanted you to feel like that, and you do because I didn't keep my promise and leave with you. I thought – [ vie closes his eyes for a moment, searching for the words. ] When I told you that I loved you for the first time, I really believed I could finally be free of everything else. I didn't owe Yves for betraying him. All I had to do was leave, and I... there's no excuse for the choice I made – I realize that. But it's not because I love him or because I want to be with him.

[ what else is he trying to say? he's so lost in wanting to hold onto jaejin that he's struggling. ]

I'm afraid, too. I need this to be over so that I know we can make it. So I don't have to keep feeling as if you are already gone when you are right here in front of me.